An Open Letter...

...to those who think they can judge me, to those who think I'm not doing enough, and those who are flat out mean.

I'm tired.  Tired of dealing with passive aggressive people and their nonsense Facebook posts.  Tired of dealing with people who think I snub them.  Tired of people who think that my time is better spent doing what they think I should be doing.

I am doing exactly what I need and should be doing.  I'm a wife, mother, full time worker {away from home}, small business owner {after my full time job}, car pool driver, volunteer, daughter, sister and friend.  And yes,  those are listed in order of priority at the moment.  I have no free time.  None.

I have nothing left to give.  I can barely attend to the first 5 things on my list right now, and I'm done being berated for not being able to do it all.  I don't call anyone, unless it has to do with my husband, my kid or my jobs.  I.just.can't.

For the last 4 years, I didn't work outside the home.  I had plenty of time to chat on the phone, run errands, have lunch with family or friends, volunteer more...and why?  Because I wasn't tied down to a 40 hour a week job and I had that 40 hours a week to maintain my household.  Times have changed.

Let me give you a glimpse into my day.

5am wake up. Get things ready for the morning. Shower.
6am wake up Caroline.  Dry hair.  Get dressed.
6:30am make sure the animals are fed.  Which means wrangling Caroline to get outside and deal with Grover the Goat. Leave for work.
7am-4pm JOB/make sure Caroline's ride has picked her up
4:30pm Get home and start dinner/laundry/homework/taxi service
5:30pm Eat/laundry/mop/vacuum/general house things/taxi service
6:30pm Make sure someone is at home to take care of Grover's nightly exercise/feeding
7:30pm If tab is actually home this early, take an hour to focus on my husband
8:30pm Finish up helping/checking Caroline's homework/return client calls/emails/texts/FB messages
9:30pm Tuck Caroline into bed. Start editing/designing/painting orders
11pm Hopefully, maybe, cross my fingers I'm climbing into bed

There are days I work from 6-3 or 8-5 {which are the mornings I drive carpool}, 9-6 or 12-9pm.
Throw in the days I have meetings, photo shoots, school activities, etc.  Most days I'm not home before 6pm, so that above schedule is shifted around to accommodate my day.

I have nothing left to give. 

Most nights, I don't spend any time with my husband because he isn't home until late.  I use that time to take care of things around our house/yard, grocery shop, run errands, promote my business, plan out our days, pay bills etc.  My "weekends" are mine.  For the 1st time in over a month we had a free weekend.  We went to dinner with family and the next night we took Caroline to play mini golf.  I almost always work Sundays from lunch till 7pm.  My "weekends" can be whatever day I'm scheduled off.  And guess what, they are my time.  I have to have a day or 2 to take care of all the things that can't be done during my work days.  That includes Dr. appointments for me or Caroline, dentist, orthodontist, oil changes, car washes, grocery shopping, errands I need to run for my husband, banking, photo shoots, and if I can fit in time for my family and friends woo hoo!  But that last part, the part that many people judge me for, it doesn't happen often.  People don't get called, people don't see me.

I'm sorry for that.  I wish there were more hours in the day.  I haven't talked to my lifelong best friend on the phone in a month.  I haven't had lunch with my dad in months.  I haven't hung out with my best friend that lives 5 miles from me in over a month.

And guess what?  That's ok.

I can't and won't bend my life or that of my husband and kid to make everyone else happy.  If I have free time to chat, I call.  If I/we have time to go to dinner/lunch/hang out we are thrilled to do that. I'm a planner, if I have notice of plans, I write it in my calendar and have made time for that.   I can't do spur of the moment things right now or even 2-3 days out.  And sometimes, I have to cancel things because there's just too many prior commitments.

There are so many people and things that are important to me and I want to do it all and spend time with everyone, but right now, this is my reality.  I have to say no to things, I can't afford it or I don't have time.

My minutes are precious right now in this season of life, and I am not perfect. But please, please stop being rude, passive aggressive, hateful, or gossipy about my life.  And if replacing me so you can have someone to fill the void I've left is what you really want to do, that's fine too.  I don't have time to play games with people, I don't have the strength to fight for my place in anyone's life anymore.  The people who respect that my life is busy are the ones who love me the most.  They're the ones who realize we haven't talked in 2-3 weeks and they call me and say, " been busy huh? That's ok, I still love you".  They don't make ugly comments, they have an understanding heart.  They too, are busy with their kids and their spouses.  They get it.  Most of them have husbands that are home by 5 or 6 in the evening that can help with the million chores/activities that happen each week.  I don't.

And I just can't handle the hurt anymore.   I don't have the energy, and most of all I don't have the time.

Unfiltered

I have come to realize that my blog has been more of a venting place for me as of late, and tonight your getting me unfiltered.

I try to always keep my composure in any given situation.  I think we all do, or at least I hope we do. I constantly struggle with being the "bigger" person.  After all, that's the way my momma raised me.  But my daddy taught me to stand up for myself and what I believe in.  So some days I'm completely composed and other days it's no holds barred. 

Today is the latter.

I've lost my composure for the night.

I'm tired of dealing with mean mommies.  I'm tired of constantly being the topic of their conversation.  Of course, they say I'm the last thing on their minds, but people talk and they should watch who they talk to, because eventually it all gets back around.  And when your name is mentioned over and over, then yes, that makes me the topic of your conversation.  I'd like to say it doesn't bother me, but hello, I'm human.  It hurts.  Which is what they intend anyway when they say hateful things.

But more than the mean mommies, it hurts more to deal with an ex-spouse who's hateful.  Because that, my friends doesn't hurt just me, it hurts my kid.  Now I'm not gonna sit up on my high horse and act like I haven't said things in front of my daughter, which is wrong, but my actions speak far louder than my words ever do.

Facebook is a wonderful thing at times, and then others use it as their podium to bash and trash people.  Good grief, pick up the phone and bash me but don't be the jerk and put it on FB.  How little of you.  If you know me on FB, then you know I will not bash people on there. I occasionally get a little huffy, but not in hurtful or lying ways.  I'm more of a in your face type of girl if something really bothers me.

It's a tough road dealing with divorce and new spouses, new step-parents, new lives.  But those of us who attempt to treat things with care reap far greater benefits for our kids.  We've been down a long road.  And for the most part, things are decent.  But then there are the days that I want to slap people.  Is is too much to ask that my daughter gets to school on time?  That she makes it to her soccer games with time to warm up, not 10 minutes before kick-off?  Is it too much to ask that she goes to a birthday party she was invited to?  Or that something is bought solely for her at the school carnival and not for yourself? Or that she's allowed to go to the church she chose to join?

I really thought things would be different.  And let me be honest, I've had my hateful moments.  But I've never not put her first.  I've never kept her from her dad, heck I even give him 1 night every week I don't have to and on his weekend he gets another night I don't have to allow.  But I do it for Caroline.  Because even though I'd love to keep her all to myself, she needs time with him too.

I'm bitter.  I'm bitter because I know how much her dad loves her, but he doesn't put her first.

I'm the mom that truly lives for my child.  Mine and the hubby's life revolve around her and her schedule.  She always comes first.  I wouldn't have married him if he expected it to be any different.  I know not every parent feels the same way we do, and that's okay.  But it makes it hard for me to watch her other set of parents choose differently.  We choose not to make plans to go out without her, we make plans on the weekends we don't have her.  I guess what bothers me the most about the weekends is that she only gets to be with her friends on my weekends.  It's not okay for him to give up his time for her to go to a birthday party, spend the night with a friend, go to church with us...but I have to, but that's okay because I have her all week?  Right.  Because after homework, soccer practice, I get a whole hour with her before bath time and an 8:30 bedtime.

We're parents.  We do for our kids.  We take them places and let them make friends despite our time with them.  That's what we do.  We put their needs first.  Period.  At least that's the way it works for me.

I'm just tired of the constant competition, who has what, who's trying to be like someone else.  Well, I can tell you, you can try, but you'll never be me.  I'm one of a kind.  Find your own way in this life.  I have.  And that is directed at many people.

I'm an over the top mom because I have one kid and I can be.  I'm over the top because my kid loves it, she is so proud of the things I can make and the things I do for her.  It's not a competition between other moms.  It's something that makes my little girl giggle and dance.  I do it for her and her only.  I do it to see the way she lights up when I pull off the impossible poodle skirt that has to be made in less than 10 hours (with time to sleep) and ready for school the next morning.  I do it because I may not have her on a certain holiday and I wanted her desk at school to be decorated just for her, so that she knows I didn't miss a single one of her favorite things.

I do it because she is my whole world.  I parent her the way I do because she is my everything.  I volunteer on the PTA so that I can give her the best years of elementary school possible.  I do it because I want her to have everything her heart desires, within reason of course.  I do it because I want her to make friends.  I do it because I want her to have every opportunity possible.  I do it from my heart and I do it with pure love.

So if you choose to bash me, talk about me, copy me, then I'll choose to take it as a compliment.  Because at the end of the day, I know its just other people's insecurities that cause them to act the way they do.  I don't need to be like anyone else, because my daughter, my husband, they love me for who I already am.




*****Bring on the backlash, I know it's coming*****

Breaking Down

One of the things I've always loved about blogging is that I have a place to talk openly.  To have a place where I can be me, speak what is on my heart, and talk about my struggles.  

I know better than anyone how much my blog is lacking lately.  Why?  

Well...because I'm breaking.  I'm hurting, I'm raw and empty and I just can't get on here and be happy Alicia.  

For the last 2 years I've been in a downward spiral.  And a year ago, I thought I'd hit bottom.  I thought at that point I'd pick myself up by the bootstraps and carry on.  And just when I think I've got a handle on things, someone comes along and breaks me back down.

Most people who "know" me would call BS.  Because for all intents and purposes, I'm able to function on a daily basis and hide all my pain.  It's not until I'm away from everything that it consumes me.

I'd go into more detail, but sadly there are those who will use it against me.  Message me and I'll be glad to share.

I've talked many times about my mom.  About my love for her, losing her, how it affects me.  At this moment, I know if she were here, I'd be okay.  That may sound bad, like I'm not okay when I have the biggest blessing of all right here.  Caroline.  Let me clarify.  If I had both of them, my life would be as close to perfect as it can get.

She would know just what to say.  She would know how to deal with all the turmoil.  She would guide me through and hold my hand the whole time.

...

People are quick to judge.  Even though God tells us we shouldn't.  But we do.

I'm guilty, are you?

People only see one side of things.  It's rare that they actually have a window into the whole.  They get bits and pieces and think they have it all.  But they don't.

My worries are many.  It's not just one thing.  

Many of you know that I was married to Caroline's dad and we divorced years ago.  I've talked candidly about things, about supporting him when he chose to move down here closer to Caroline.  You also know that I'm happily re-married to the love of my life (as corny as that saying is).  And those who are closest to us know the ins and outs of how it all works.

But sooo many people don't know the whole.  They see parts, hear parts, but they don't live it.  We do.

And I'm just drained with all the people looking in passing their judgement. 

It's.not.your.place.

I make decisions based on what I feel is best for my daughter.  And for all of those who want to make comments and pass judgement on what I decide, get the whole story.  Just because you know one of us and not both, just because you hear one set of things and not both, doesn't mean you know everything all of us have been through.  And there are those who know both and still pass judgement and still make things harder for all involved.

I'm sick of people butting in.  I'm sick of people who have never been through a divorce, let alone one involving a young child trying to "side" with either party.  I can say without a shadow of a doubt that those who know me and what I have to say, have no problem giving me another perspective.  And, big shock, I welcome it.

We don't look to our friends/family to simply support us.  We look to them to help guide us.  I make mistakes.  I always will and I hope that those who truly love me, will take the time to know the whole of what's going on and give me good solid advice.  I don't just want a "yes" man.  But I also have those in my life who play both sides.  For the sheer fun of it.  Or maybe because their jealous.  Who knows.  But what I do know, is that those are the people who cause the biggest problems for Caroline.  And believe me, they don't see it and they refuse to see it.  They are just petty and seek to hurt others.  Me. But, what they can't see is that it's hurting Caroline more.

Maybe one day they will see the damage they have caused.  But more than likely not.  These are the people who are self seeking.  They have no clue how they are affecting Caroline.  And whats worse is that they think they're right. In all things.

I will never.ever. apologize for doing what my daughter tells me she wants.  If you don't like that, then please, please just remove yourself from our lives.

...

I cannot emotionally or physically endure much more of this.  

I have already lost my mom.  I have a sister who lives 3000 miles away and has her own family and life to deal with.  And I have a dad who is about to be 72 and I can't face losing him.  Which is a reality I'm having to face, one that I've been ridiculed for "not acknowledging".  

I sometimes wonder if people ever stop to think what its like to lose your mother at 23?   Never seeing me married, never seeing me carry my only child, never holding that sweet precious baby girl.  And then just 11 quick years later be faced with a dad who's health is steadily declining?

It's not an easy thing to face.  Watching your daddy slowly slip away.  I can't imagine its ever easy.  But after all I've been through, watching my one and only hero slip away is almost unbearable.  And I'm tired of people passing judgement on that too.  

I will smile for that man everyday.  I will act as if nothing has changed.  Why?  Because I can't bear to lose him too.  I will act like he is the same daddy I have always known.  I will spend as much time as I am given with him.  I will cherish each day I get to go to lunch with him and each day I get to hug his sweet neck.  That man has been my hero, my inspiration, my father, my best friend and the only man I've ever cared what their opinion of me was.  And no one can take that from me.

People are absolutely amazing to me.  None of us ever know what someone is facing.   We never know how our words will affect someone or someone's life.  I would have easier days if people just minded their own business.

And maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be breaking down.

Letting Go...Finally

The beauty of owning my own domain name / blog is that I can post anything I want.  Granted any blog can truly do that, but I actually own mine.  And I'll be honest, it's no big deal.  But, I feel like when people post on FB or twitter or whatever form of social media that they choose, that they somehow are making people see the crap they post.  Whereas on my blog, you totally choose to visit here.  You're not forced to see what I post when you log in.  Although you could just delete someone on FB or twitter, but then what fun would it be if you couldn't gossip and create havoc in someone's life?  I digress...

I'm not usually a negative person, I leave that to the hubby.  I'm, 9 times out of 10, pretty upbeat and positive.  But I'm tired of logging in to FB or twitter and seeing people be so dang negative.  Try counting your blessings for a change.

In the spring of 2011 I was nominated and voted in as PTA President.  I was very happy to follow in my momma's footsteps.  Little did I know it would bring out all the "haters".  WOW.

I guess I kinda thought that since I was in my 30's and all, that people were beyond the high school cliquish ways.  Wrong.  Before I knew it, I was in the middle of a "friend" war.  Good grief.  Just what I wanted to waste my time on.  Never did I dream that people my age were still acting like this.  Yet, they are.  So this started, and I quickly washed my hands of it.  I'm not getting into the game.  So I went about my year, treated no one any differently despite things that had been said about me & my family.  They think they're invincible and that these "friends" aren't running back to me to tell me what they say...not that I want to waste my time on hearing it.  I guess the funniest part of the whole thing to me is that I put a piece of false info out to 1 person.  Promise, only one. And within 2 hours I heard it from 3 people.  I never confronted the person.  It truly wasn't worth my energy.

The year went on just fine after that.  Piece of cake actually.  I held my cards close and never let those fake people anywhere near my real life.  Although they sure thought they were.

The last 2 months of school rolls around and all hades breaks loose.  Oh, the hilarity of it all.  I was verbally threatened.  I was bullied.  And they really thought I was gonna admit to things, which oddly enough, never happened.  I guess what makes it completely comical to me, is that I never said a word about any of these people.  You see, I was childish enough once to play that game, and I lost.  And I will never, ever do it again.  I hurt my friend, her family, and we've never been friends since.  I know the price.

But I guess what irks me the most is how completely brazen some people are.  Self-consumed.  Arrogant.  Pitiful people.  Who seek to destroy others.  And I'm tired of being the target.  My business was copied, my gear was copied, my locations were copied.  And, I guess that's the most sincere form of flattery, to have what you've worked so hard for over the past 2+ years copied.  But I'm over it.  I'm washing my hands of it here and now.  I've given an olive branch, trying to forgive, but its been broken in my face.

Being so self-centered is not my style.  And I have to admit, whoever watches my FB and "reports" to others what I post, it's a little pathetic.  I made a post yesterday.  Which was quickly spread to people the post had nothing to do with.  Obviously they are so self-consumed they thought it was, and everything I do apparently, revolving around them.  Here is what I posted...obviously their guilt got the better of them...

...I'm tired of hearing people whining about how soon school's gonna start, how many school supplies they have to buy etc...be THANKFUL you have those kids to drive you crazy all summer and that you GET to help provide supplies for all the kids!!! $10 extra bucks for stuff your kid won't need but another family can't afford will NOT kill you! Too many people take for granted that God gave them this blessing! Suck it up people! I know too many parents who are watching their kids fight for their lives. Geesh!...

Now what amazes me most about the whole thing is that this post was not directed at, involving, or pertaining to said selfish person.  It was however, directed at 3 of my friends back home who over the past 3 days have gripped on FB about these very things.  And I have commented on those posts stating how I disagreed.  And why was I so sick of seeing and hearing about it?  Because I happen to know of a few families whose children are fighting, literally, fighting for their lives.  And I'm tired of people taking what their given for granted.  Each child is a blessing.  I was blessed with one, tried many, many times and years for another.  If you can't find something better to do than gripe about those blessings, then please, get away from me.  

So I guess you could say a "response" to my post was posted on this person's page.  Who, I blocked and can't see, who no one I actually talk to would dare discuss because they can't stand her, who I do not ever want to be associated with...so why, please tell me, would I ever want to openly talk about her?  Duh people.  I don't.  But, I feel like I need to purge all my bad feelings and so that's what I'm doing tonight.  I'm letting go.  I'm saying what needs to be said so that I can rid myself of all the negativity.  I will allow her this post.  Here you go.  I'm ridding my life of your toxicity.  Enjoy the glory of me talking about you.  And don't mistake anything I say ever again to be about you.  Frankly, your just not worth the energy.  I have a precious little girl whom I would do anything for, cherish each day I get, a husband whom I love madly and who loves and cherishes me.  I truly hope you can find your happiness in life, but I'm done letting you try to put your negativity off on me.  Take ownership of your actions people.

I'm truly sad for people like this who just can't seem to find better things to do than compare their lives to others and cast judgement.  Be thankful...you never know when He might choose to take it all away.

Thank you to the many people I can truly call my friends.  You are priceless to me and my family!

p.s.  I can see every IP address that visits.  So all of you that thrive on stirring the pot, I can track you all the way down to google maps showing me where you've logged in from down to house and street.  enjoy the blog :)

Parents These Days

***Fair Warning:  I'm not talking about anyone in particular or any particular group of people, just ranting about my observations in general***

Is it just me, or have many parents just checked out when it comes to school events?  I mean, what's so hard about being engaged in what goes on at your child's school?  I'm seeing so much of this lately.  And before anyone gets their feathers ruffled, I know how busy life is.  I've worked and been a wife and mom for years, but I always made time to be involved.  I'll be honest, what I see most...parents don't want to take the time or be bothered with giving money, time, or their input.  They only choose to complain when they don't like things.  My response to that?  Don't complain if you're not willing to help resolve things.

This year has been a rough year for my daughter's school.  It started out horribly, and things have been an adjustment.  But through it all, I thought I would see more "pulling together" from our families, and I'm just not seeing that.  I think there's been even more withdrawal from parents this year.  And it's not just our school, my friends in Dallas have said the same thing.

Now I will say that our annual carnival was this last weekend and we had a great turnout!  I missed seeing a lot of faces, but overall I was pleased with how many families came and had a good time.

I'm sure a lot of this is coming from being in PTA...I see more parents complain but aren't willing to do anything about it.  It just makes me sad.  Sure, there are plenty of times I don't want to go to a meeting, I don't want to volunteer, I'm tired of sending money, but it's for my daughter.  To give her the best years in school as possible with as many extra opportunities as possible.  And it's not just school, it's outside activities too.  I know so many parents who don't have their kids involved in anything.

Hear me out before you attack me :)

I know better than most how expensive things are and how poor our economy is these days.  Budgets are tight.  We've paid the big bucks in the past for competitive cheer, but not this year.  We couldn't afford it.  Now if her dad would help pay for stuff every now and again... we chose to do a cheaper activity this year.  Soccer.  It's a great league and only cost $75 with the uniform provided.  Now add in about $50 extra for socks and cleats, a ball and we've spent less than 1 month of cheer!  In fact, she's played 2 seasons and we've bought 2 pair of cleats and that's still less than 1 month of cheer!  And that's 8 months of playing soccer!!!

Need something even cheaper...go to the park!  But instead, what do I see day in and day out?  Video games, nothing, TV.  Nothing makes me madder than when I hear a friend/parent tell me they can't sign their kid up for something because they can't afford to, then turn around and talk about a stupid xbox game they just bought!  Really?  That game costs almost as much as I'm paying for soccer each season.  I've seen the prices of Call of Duty.  Or they constantly go out to eat.  Ummm, eat at home for a month, put the money you normally spend in a jar, and I guarantee at the end of the month you could sign your kid up for something reasonable.

I just feel like so many parents have lost sight of what it means to be a parent.  I, by no means am a perfect parent!!!  I spend time on the computer, I spend time away doing PTA business, I spend time with friends.  But I do try to give my daughter my attention first, try to get her involved first, think of her first before I make plans with friends or a vacation.  It's definitely a balancing act, but I'm just so tired of seeing all the things I've been seeing over the last couple of years and it just seems like it's getting worse.

Now, I have to get back to my sweet dog Betsy, who is currently having puppies :)  I can't wait to see Caroline's face when she gets home and sees them!!!

Pity Party #3

Are y'all sick of me yet?  I sure am!  But it is my blog, and I need to vent and put my feelings on paper ummm, something, so I can look back and learn from what I've gone through.  So, yes, that's right my friends you get another pity party from me today.  Yay!!! {sense that sarcasm?}

I went on Tuesday for my consult in Dallas with a specialist.  Of course I knew that since this was my first appointment I wouldn't get too many answers, but I did get a little clearer picture of what all is wrong with my back.  They did 8 or so x-rays and looked at my old MRI, so they at least had a starting point.  After looking at all that and running me through some physical tests, he gave me some preliminary thoughts.

I have adult onset Scoliosis, which can be very painful.  No kidding!  I thought that it was pretty minor, but apparently it's more than I thought.  I have one shoulder blade way higher than the other, which, I didn't know until yesterday.  I also have loss of strength on my left side, which he thinks is do to the scoliosis.  Looking at my old MRI he thinks that I have 2 herniated discs, and he explained that they're not the typical herniation's either.  Of course not, I can only do things the hard way!  Basically he said to think of my disc as a tire.  Normally when a disc herniates he said that it's like a blowout, mine however are like someone slashed my tires and then I drove around for a while and the tire is shredding off.  Nice!  And then you can add in pinched nerves and arthritis.  I'm a walking {or barely walking} wreck.

So now I have to go back for 2 more MRI's, one for my neck, and one for my pelvic/lower back.  I'm not really sure why they can't do it in one, but they said they can't that I'll just have back to back MRI's.  Luckily they'll be able to get those done in the morning and then I'll have my follow-up appointment that afternoon.  I have no clue what the plan of action will be yet, I'll get those answers when I go back.  For now, I'm on a regimen of meds to help ease the pain, and it's just not working.

I've never really known what it was like to be depressed.  And I always felt bad for those people who suffered with depression.  I can say that now I know how they feel.  It really is like a feeling of hopelessness.  I just don't want to get out of bed in the morning because I know how much pain I'll be in for the rest of the day.  I don't want to do anything.  I have zero motivation to get up and do anything.  I never thought I would be struggling like this.  I absolutely love my life, I love my sweet Caroline, my hubby.  I have the best family and friends.  I have no reason to feel like this other than the pain.

But I can't hide from the fact that this is how I feel.  I just want to hide from the pain.  And I try to put my big girl pants on and get ready, get Caroline up and ready for school, go to work, and just ignore what my body feels...but it's getting harder and harder everyday.  I can't do normal everyday things like taking care of my household, my family...now, I'll admit I don't miss doing the laundry one bit {really, I hate doing the laundry} but I can't even load and unload the dishwasher anymore.  I just don't want to do anything.  I love to go watch Boog practice at cheer, I don't even want to go.  I just want to hide at home, lay on my heating pad, order dinner from somewhere, and do nothing.  It's like I just want Caroline and Tab to sit in this bubble with me and never leave.

I'm not sure that I'm 100% comfortable with putting this out here for all to see, but maybe just maybe, doing this will help me to see that I'm not the only one.  I'm not the only person struggling right now.  I've been doing my best to let my faith lead me, going to my "go to" verses in the Bible for encouragement, and praying that He can relieve this pain soon.  I'm learning that even though I believe, that I trust in the Lord, there are times when you fall from that.  When you just don't have that complete trust in Him.  I still have it, but not like I know I should. For now, I'm just going to do my best to get up each day and put one foot in front of the other.  I would appreciate your prayers right now.  I know I need them!

Perception

I had a conversation with someone yesterday that left me totally emptied, drained.  After we left the restaurant, I just really didn't understand the point of the whole thing.  I completely understood the why to it, thought it was a little odd, but I respected it.

Have you ever felt that way?  That you were just talking to the air around you?

I know a lot about myself.  I know my good points, my strengths...but I also know my weaknesses, my flaws.  Maybe that gives me better footing, maybe not.  And after far too many years of making mistakes, I've learned a lot about myself.  Why I do things, how people perceive me, my knee jerk reactions to things...but what's more is that I've learned to embrace that and then change it.  It makes you stronger to realize these things about yourself.  I don't like seeing the ugly truth about me, but you can't grow as a person until you do.  Or at least that's what I think.

And apparently, being honest is not what some people want.  The truth can be a nasty little thing, or it could be one of the best things you ever hear.  Trust me, I know...from experience.

I hurt one of the most important people in my life several years ago and it was out spite, simply because I just didn't have the guts to be honest about how felt.  I can't change that relationship.  I lost a great friendship over my own ego.  Why my ego?  Because I knew if I was honest about how I felt, then in return she would tell me how she felt, and I wouldn't like it.  So instead I said nasty, hurtful things that I knew would make me feel better, and I was a coward to top it all off, I didn't even say them to her.  Lesson learned.  But this event isn't the reason for my post.  

back to the point...

The conversation started out with some stuff that's not for me to tell {good stuff for her, not so sure about my family}, but then led to a statement I really liked:  "I want to start this with a clean slate".  Given the situation, I really was glad to hear that!  But then I got lost, very lost.

It went on, and I realized there was much confusion on both our parts.  I never really considered us friends, when she did.  I couldn't really recall any "good" times, she couldn't recall any "bad".  And that's where she lost me.  If there weren't "bad times" why would you ask someone for a clean slate?  Maybe it's the blonde in me, but I don't get it?

I went on to explain where I was coming from, and a lot of it has to do with perception.  I perceived her in a totally different way than she perceived herself.  So that's where our disconnect was coming from.  I tried to tell her that maybe it was all in my perception and I just read her wrong.  I also tried to tell her that I really understood that since I'm almost always told the same things about myself.  

None of my words mattered though.

I don't quite know what to do about the situation.  I don't dislike her, but I don't really know that I like her either.  We don't know each other.  In a four year period we might have spent a total of 50 hours in the same room together.  Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things.  I know she's a good person, she loves her family, she loves her friends, I just don't know her.  I just felt like I was giving her what she wanted...a clean slate.  But once we started talking I'm not sure she was ready for the conversation.  I can be pretty blunt and while I was doing my best to "clear the air between us" I kept that in the front of my mind.  I didn't want to come across harsh.  I didn't want to come across like a bitch {I know, I know...I said a bad word}.  I chose my words very methodically, so nothing could be read into them, yet it was.  I usually walk away from a conversation like this knowing that I said a million wrong things, or that I was really tacky.  But I felt like I was nakedly honest and sincere.

I get the impression she thinks the first is true.

I think what worries me most is that I do know how I react to things, and I know that I feel like I've tried, so my next move is typically to blow it off and leave the ball in her court.  And then once she goes to pick the ball up, I'll throw it in her face.  Yes, I know that sounds completely horrible, but that's the point.  I know how things makes me feel and how I react to them.  I know that going into most situations.  I'm not sure she knew what she really wanted out of the conversation she asked for.  I think she thought I created animosity between us for no good reason, or out of jealousy.  I don't think she was prepared to hear how I really felt.  Which was basically that she created animosity between us out of jealousy.  I told her that I thought lines had been crossed by her, and truth be told, she had nothing bad to say about me at all.  But was that because she really felt that way, or because she didn't want to be the bad guy?  Now in all honesty, she has every right to tell me the bad things, I wouldn't blame her, I haven't been that nice since we met.  I just don't think she wants to accept that I wasn't nice because I was reacting to the way she came across all these years.

Now I'm not posting any of this to say I was right and she was wrong, I'm mostly just working this out in my head, and to get some thoughts on how I could have handled this differently.  I'm told the possibility is there for her to be a big part of our lives and I want to like and respect her, I really do.  I'm just not sure where to go from here. 

Hello? Are You Still Out There?

I have so neglected my blog this last week! That's not like me! Me not "talk"? Ha....

We have been dealing with some big changes that still may or may not happen, and to be honest, it's taking its toll on me. We were presented with an opportunity, then it changed, then it changed some more, and now, you guessed it, it has changed yet again. We're not really sure what is going to happen, but I feel like He is in control, and right now...I'm waiting to be shown what's in His plan. Say a prayer for us please? We sure do need them about now!

Anyway...I do have some fun stuff to post about! Caroline's 1st day of 1st grade was today, and boy was she in full Caroline sass! Sometimes that girl cracks me up! And I have a Thought Filled Thursday to post with lots of thoughts on all sorts of things! Be sure to check in tomorrow for that post...there are just some things that never cease to amaze me!

I would probably feel so much better if I had been on here blogging out my thoughts, fears & frustrations...if I promise to be better, will you still be out there? I won't lie, I love to hear from my bloggy friends! You share the same struggles, and have some great things to say just when a girl needs a little boost!

Little Tidbits

I was feeling a little down last night after having a really, really rough afternoon/evening with Caroline, so I thought I would post about some fun things today...after I vent about the monster { I mean sweet little angel}!


Talk about parenting wearing you down. Caroline is a little spoiled, but not in the she gets everything she wants kind of way. More of the mommy does too much for her kind of way! Meaning that I always get her snacks, drinks, help her with her bath...and now that I am trying to get her to do these things on her own, I'm paying for it! We are really trying to instill responsibility in her, and she is just not liking it. Got any tips? She'll gladly do things I don't ask her to, like sweep, dust, or change the trash because she knows she'll get rewarded for those things. When it comes to doing the "chores" we have given her, it's all out war! So needless to say, last night was a rough one. One of those where you have to just take a step back, walk away from your child, and take deep breaths! Whew! And then tell yourself it'll be okay. God love her, she is such a sweet little thing most of the time, and so very thoughtful, but when it comes to doing something she doesn't...watch out! Anyhow, I'm praying for guidance and doing some research on parenting books to give me some added encouragement. Let me know if you have a good book to read.

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On to the Little Tidbits portion of the post!

I thought it would be fun to leave some little tidbits of things about me for you to know. Maybe you already know some of them, if not, maybe you'll learn a little more about who I am. I also thought this might be fun for the girls that will be attending the DFW Blog Girls Night Out this Friday! So if you are going, or know some of the other girls who are, you can pass this post on to them, and if you want to play along, just do your own post, link to mine, and leave me a comment to stop by your blog and check it out!

1. I'm a daughter of Christ
2. I love coffee
3. I'm adopted
4. I LOVE dark nail polish: black, brown, blood red, deep purple
5. I have an addiction to shoes, just go here for proof
6. I'm crafty, creative, and love to paint
7. I'm extremely self-conscious, but very outgoing {go figure}
8. I talk non-stop and hate it!
9. I'm very eclectic, I like so many different things and styles
10. I love jeans and tee's
11. I adore James Avery and Brighton
12. My favorite wines are Rieslings
13. I have candles in every room of my house
14. Tattoo's anyone? I have 4.
15. I go to bed at 10pm during the week...how sad!
16. I get pedicures, then come home and repaint my toes, I think I paint them better
17. I have a tendency to cuss like a sailor when I get mad
18. I cry all the time, I wear my heart on my sleeve
19. I am a list maker, all the time, for everything
20. I.Hate.Traffic.
21. I have a nervous habit...which involves a small piece of cloth {my blankie} that I carry with me.
22. I love to watch little old couples dance, it melts my heart!
23. I carry my camera in my purse, I don't want to miss anything
24. I call everyone "honey", no clue why, I just catch myself doing it
25. I love my life and wouldn't change any of it!

My Views, My Life, My Family

I am finally emerging again, and probably only because I am home sick again today. I have apparently caught a bug, and can't venture too far, so it has given me plenty of time for reflection and thought.

Hopefully after this post, I will be back to my normal self and can resume posting quirky things about Caroline and silly pictures, but for today, I am going to say a few things on a more serious level.

Thank you to all of you who have been thinking of us and praying for us. What a comfort!

I'm sure that with as cryptic as my last post was, many of you are a little curious, and that's okay, we're human, and we like to know what's going on...otherwise, why would we read blogs? As of late yesterday afternoon, things for us changed for the better! Finally!

I have never been one of those overprotective moms...I don't run to Boog when she falls down, I don't baby her, and I talk pretty straight to her; I didn't do baby talk. But, I have been very picky about the things she sees, plays with, who's care she's in. There are certain people I don't let her ride in a car with, definitly no Bratz toys, and I don't let her just go to play with anyone that asks. There are certain people that I trust implicitly when it comes to Caroline. Now even that has changed.

I always thought I was a great judge of character, maybe I'm not. I've learned my lesson, and I guess now I will be overbearing about certain things pertaining to my sweet little girl.

Caroline has always been a pretty good kid. Her biggest problem is talking...non-stop. I know, I know, she gets it from me. But, she has never been a mean little girl, she shares really well {especially for being an only child}, she is very thoughtful, so I am a little easy on her when it comes to discipline. She does get time out, a pop on the bootie, and toys taken away...I just let her push and I don't stick to the guidelines I give her. It's hard to be tough on your kids sometimes. Bottom line, she is very honest, blunt, knows right from wrong, and knows when and why she is in trouble.

Some of the things that have gone on over the past week have implicated her in a totally different light, as well as another child who is extremely well behaved, and comes from a super family with lots of love, and a strong Christian foundation. Not that this means this child is perfect, because clearly, we know no one is. But given the raising of this child, I feel strongly about the behavior that was called into question.

A case was opened concerning Caroline and another child, and what is so amusing to me about it was that the family that opened the case only knows Caroline, not the other child/family. And what makes the whole thing even more bizarre is that so many of the things we were told by the family who did this make no sense, and point more to an issue with their child. The stories are conflicting from what Caroline tells me, so what am I supposed to do? Believe another family who is telling me stuff 2nd and 3rd hand, or my own child? What makes it more frustrating is that is the same point the family tried to make to us. What do you do? Call their child a liar? That is what has been the hardest to deal with in this whole thing. Caroline and this child were caught doing things they should not have been doing, and the biggest question for both of the families was who taught them? Not us, not them, so they blamed the other child. Crazy.

What gives me comfort is that after several long, long conversations with professionals, they case was closed! Which proves there was no wrong doing on our endor the other parents, or on the parts of the two children. Hallejuah! I just felt such a relief wash over me yesterday afternoon when I got the news!

Now I am torn. I have a lot of anger for this other family, but also some concern. Is it that child who really needs help? Is that child the one who taught Caroline bad things? Are those parents too jaded to even accept the possibility that this child needs help? They completely left out their childs actions when they filed the report. They completely blamed Caroline and another child, totally refusing to believe that their child could be the root cause of this. We were told by professionals that this child was crying out. What does this mean for them? They tried to make us feel inferior by saying that they were going to get their child help because of what mine did, and I was stupid because I thought this was no big deal.

Totally wrong. What they refused to listen to was that we had already made appointments for Caroline to see someone. We talked with professionals about the situation, and they confirmed what we thought, it was nothing to get all worked up about, but could be cause for concern. When we told the other family that, they had the nerve to tell us that whoever we talked to should basically be fired because they were stupid. Are people so stubborn that they refuse to admit they might be wrong? That only they can be right?

Caroline is going to see someone. We hope to minimize any effects this may have on her, as well as hopefully get to the bottom of the whole thing. Poor girl was questioned by a police officer who was acting in a capacity they knew nothing about, without my consent, or my presence, and informing me well after the fact. What is wrong with people? They should tend to their own families and accept responsibility for them instead of worrying about others and making claims against them. I could make the same claims, I could file charges for the questioning of Caroline. But we are NOT going to bust into other peoples lives. All I can do is pray that this family can see that there was wrong in what they did, and that they too get help for their child.

I can say this: If after Caroline has seen her therapist, and they let us know that Caroline was in fact part of the problem, then I will go to the other family and let them know we are sorry for what happened. Until then, I have to believe my child. And I understand that they have to believe theirs. I respect that. What I can't respect is that they have no intention of even entertaining the thought that their child may be the problem. There have been signs that point to this child needing some help working through things. There is nothing wrong or bad about that, but this family must think there is if they won't even admit the possibility. At least I can. Caroline has never been anything other than a happy thriving little girl. She has never had any behavioral problems other than talk, talk, talking, and occasionally being whiny. Her teachers have never had anything other than that to say about her, which leaves me to believe she is a normal, happy, healthy, thriving 6 yr. old little girl. Regardless of the outcome, we have made the decision that we can no longer trust these people with Caroline's well being. She won't be allowed to play with that child anymore, which is really sad since they are good friends, but we have to do what is best for Boog, and for us, this is our choice.

On another note...Caroline had her blood counts done last Monday...280!!!!! Woo Hoo!

Hairy Frustrations

Okay people...time for some tips...please. Do any of you have a sweet, adorable little girl who loves to chew/suck on her hair?

I do. And I hate it. And I can't seem to do anything to get her to stop.

I completely lost my patience with her this weekend. I have been telling her for days to get her hair out of her mouth. Nope. I turn around, and she does it again. So, Saturday, Avery & Amy were over while the men were working on the back part of our land {another story later} and the girls were picking up in Boog's room. I saw her once with her hair in her mouth and told her to quit. A few minutes later, you guessed it...again. When I saw her for the 4th time, I quietly left her room, went to my bathroom, got my hair scissors. I nonchalantly walked in her room took her hair out of her mouth, and whacked it off. She just looked at me like I was crazy.

And, yes, at that moment, it was a little crazy of me to do, but I thought I needed something drastic to make her stop putting her hair in her mouth.

So, after they finished picking up, I got Boog in the tub to wash her hair. Then I cut it all off. I am not a happy mommy. I don't want to have to keep cutting her hair every time it gets long enough for her to get it in her mouth! But I have run out of ideas. I tried fixing her hair, cute bows & headbands. Keeping it pulled up out of her face, until she gets to school and takes it down. I give up. Unless of course, someone could pass on some wisdom to this overly frustrated mommy of the insistent-hair-has-to-be-in-her-mouth little girl. Until then, she gets to look like this.

Seriously in Shock

Wow...I truly had forgotten how cruel some people could be.

Unfortunately, Caroline's dad and his girlfriend have parted ways. What makes this sad is that Caroline really likes the girl {for this post we will call her GF}. And so did I. At first I was a little concerned because she is quite a bit younger, and that made me a little uneasy. I'd like to think that most of us as parents, try to do the best things for our children. GF & I sat down when the time came for Caroline to meet her, and I told her my concerns about her age, and the things I would like her to respect when it came to her dad and I raising our daughter. I felt really good about everything after we talked.

Over the course of this last 6-8 months, we have welcomed GF into our lives and our home with open arms. That may sound strange, maybe it doesn't, but her dad and GF seemed pretty serious so I wanted to make things easier for all of us by respecting his relationship. Because in the end, that's what best for Caroline. GF has been included in all things Caroline...school, holidays, we had them down for Caroline's b-day, and after the long day of 6 year old pampering, we offered for them to stay in our home. Again, the same situation on Christmas day. Which was fine, we get along, she seemed to respect our parenting roles, what could be better.

During this time, all of us including Caroline, had conversations about their future. They were talking about moving down here this summer to be closer to Caroline, talked about marriage, kids for them, etc. Since then, times have been rough for them, which is how it goes right? You have good times and bad times. But my concern with GF has always been how inexperienced she is in life. She is more than a decade younger than me, and just doesn't see quite how the world works. She still lives at home, and Caroline's dad moved in with them too, so GF has no clue what being a "real" adult, being on your own, is like. She thinks she knows. During the last few weeks when Caroline and Tab were trying to make me have a nervous breakdown, GF repeatedly "broke up" {that just sounds so funny to me} with Caroline's dad. I felt really bad for him, seeing as he was unsure about his daughters health, and what would happen next.

What makes this whole thing worse is that GF did all this, "it's over, and you need to move" while Caroline was there. To me, that was a conversation to be had without her present. And now, she has been there this whole week for spring break, to yet again be told that her dad has to move out. GF assured me the other day, after a crying Caroline said that GF told her they could go ride horses but then left to go to the movies with another boy, that she was thinking about how this would affect Caroline and making sure she didn't do anything to hurt her. Caroline doesn't understand what is going on. And later that night, GF thought that she would be asleep and that it would be okay for her to bring a guy home with her, change clothes, grab a change of clothes and her toothbrush and leave with this guy. Caroline was awake, and saw this. I made a visible comment about not respecting me or Caroline about doing this in front of her. And yes, I was a tad ugly {not with nasty language}, I just said that if she couldn't respect what I asked, then maybe she should introduce her boyfriend to Caroline next time.

I know, I know...I am better than that, I was just so mad that she blatantly ignored my rights as a mother to keep those things out of Caroline's vision, that I lashed out a little. Instead of being the adult she thinks she is, and talking to me about it, this is what I find:

TO:ALICIA_B***h f**k you, you dont even know what your talking about so shut your f***ing mouth- GF has friends that are guys and no that isnt her boyfriend, you should be more concerned about her {Caroline's} dad taking care of her instead of who GF is with or not with. GF doesnt want to f***ing go home because your x-husband is there driving her crazy!{GF asked him to move in with her} ...so before you go believing everything that comes out of his mouth y dont you check yourself and get both sides of the story {I called and asked GF what was going on} and leave GF the f**k alone have you ever thought if steven actually had a stable life and could live on his own then THAT would prevent alot of things you dont agree with{so that makes GF's actions okay because he is living with her}?? hello. yall both should be lucky GF doesnt kick steven out of her house right now..now maybe yall should think about how that would make Caroline feel- because without GF right now he is homeless..{he might be, but Caroline has a loving, moral home with me & Tab, where those immoral things don't take place.}

This was sent to me by GF's best friend, whojust recently had a baby...at 18, I guess she already got the Best Mom Award, and has earned the right to tell me a mom of 6+ years how to be a parent. I guess maybe I have a lot more to learn about being a good parent. Ahhhhh. What it must be like to be so young and act so carefree. I prefer to spend my time making sure my little girl has the best childhood she can.

I would really like your comments on this one. Am I overreacting? Did I over step my bounds? Did I do the right thing and look out for Caroline's best interests? At this point, I just don't know. I prayed for wisdom last night, and comfort in my actions. I also prayed for GF and her friend. I do know that I love that precious, innocent, sweet little girl more than I could ever say in words.

What a Whirlwind

In the last week I truly thought I would be driving from hospital to hospital seeing the 2 people I love the most. I never got time to "lose it", "break down" or really deal with how I was feeling. Oh sure, I cried when they admitted hubby to the hospital, and I cried when I got the call from her pedi that her counts were really low, and I cried later on the night we saw the hematologist and she told me her count was a 2.

I'm good in a crisis. Very levelheaded, competent, and I deal really well with them. Now had Caroline been puking...she would have been on her own. I don't do puke. Ever. But when there is blood, bone, or other yucky things, I'm your girl. But it seems I just never get to deal with how I'm feeling. I do eventually, just not when said crisis happens. I can't be the one to break down in front of Caroline. I can't let her know I'm scared, because then, the person she looks to the most would scare the fire out of her.

On night 2 of hubby's hospital stay {the same day Caroline's count was a 2} I asked the nurse if she had any Xanax. Yes, I really asked. I was joking, but if she had appeared moments later with meds in hand, I would have gladly accepted them. At that point, I had only had 8 hours of sleep in the past 72 hours. I was exhuasted...physically, mentally, and emotionally exhuasted. I finally let go a little then, I cried when I called my best friend Michelle, and told her that if it was anything worse then ITP I needed her. I wouldn't be able to do it without her.

Friday night when we finally got hubby home, I felt slightly better. I had begun my extreme cleaning of all things belonging to husband {lots of bleach}, and to get mine, his and Caroline's things ready for her hospital stay in a few days time. Finally, Sunday evening, I have gotten everything cleaned, packed, tended to, and ready to go for our week in another hospital. That night as hubby and I lay in bed {well, I was sitting, I just couldn't lay down yet}, I finally let myself cry and cry.

For a few moments, I felt so inadequate as a wife and mother. But mostly as a mother. Something I'm not sure if I've ever shared before is that I'm adopted. And beyond being adopted, I have never had the desire to know about my birth parents, their medical histories, their stories period. I have been blessed. Blessed with the best parents a kid could ask for, health, and an easy pregnancy. I never felt the need to get any info, and even I did want it, I couldn't get it. My adoption was not a typical adoption...even for the late 70's. Completely closed adoption. Just the lawyers. With strict boundaries such as my birth parents medical history. Heck, my birth father never even knew about me.

back to my point...

I sat there that night and cried because I had no clue as to what could be in Caroline's future. The doctors had asked me so many medical history questions, and as her dad and I sat there, I couldn't answer a single one.

"Is there any history of blood disease or Luekemia?"
"I'm adopted, I don't know."

I felt like I had somehow failed my beautiful little girl. Now, I'm not having a pity party, but at that moment, even though there was nothing I could have done or known, I felt like I failed her. I cried for her that night, and went to sleep praying over her sweet soul, that He would heal her.

The next morning of course, we are loading the car, getting last minute details sorted, and hitting the road. I have a peace about the whole thing by this point. We have chosen the best treatment option for her, and feel a peace about what we are about to endure.

When we get there, we are all a little sad, and Caroline makes me hold her the whole time {happy to oblige!}, and we wait. They put the IV in, pull out two vials of blood, and tell us they will be back soon to put us in our room. Next thing we know, we are out the door, skipping to the car, and talking about all the playing she gets to do when she gets home. She is healed.

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Most of the rest of Monday was fun for us, watching her expend all that pent up 6 yr. old energy! But then I kept thinking, I still have so much to do. Unpack, make more follow-up appointments, go to the grocery store, talk to her school, set-up a place for her to go for spring break. Blah Blah Blah. I'll take the Blahs, what a whirlwind!


Here are some pictures of Caroline playing Wii bowling once we got home, she was so happy!







And this is what was sitting in our living room when we got home. My parents dropped it off for her. She loves this stinking bear. It has become her bed!

Brrrrrrr, it's Cold in Here!

I love my job. I hate my desk {yes, even though I should not hate, I do!}. Just picture walking into a vet's exam room. That's my desk. Seriously.

Our office is so cold, that my office manager and I have coats, gloves, and blankets to keep us warm while we work. And, as the only 2 girls in our area, it's my personal feeling that the men just think we're sissies!

My whole desk is a huge design of stainless steel, and it's cold! When they redesigned our offices, they wanted it to have the industrial, mechanical look and feel. I am surrounded by slate gray, and stainless steel! It looks sleek and nice until you lay your bare arms down to type! Then there is this slicing cold that runs right through you. Uggghhhh!!!!!

I ordered a desk pad thingy to put under my keyboard. It should cover the area where my arms rest when I type, so I am really, really hoping that it will help!

Seriously...my bra broke!?!?!

Men totally take for granted how easy it is to be a man, really they do. Do they:

1. Have to worry about fixing there hair?
2. Shave their arm pits and legs?
3. Put on make-up {because lets face it, we all can't go without}?
4. Matching their accessories?
5. Have the visit of the most evil thing every month?
6. Go to the bathroom sitting down {always}?
7. Paint their toenails?
8. Wear panty hose {okay, this one is slighty unfair....I can NOT remember the last time I wore hose}
9. Carry a baby 9 months then labor & birth it?
10. Wear a bra?

I'm not usually this resentful towards men. Only once a month. But as I am sitting in a meeting yesterday afternoon talking about website redesign, I reach up and rather nonchalantly go to adjust my bra {which was stabbing me in the side of my boob} when I feel it rip. Yes I said RIP!!! I seriously wanted to scream. I am sitting in a room with 3 guys, and my bra breaks....great. Now the only positive thing about this is that it didn't completely rip. You know the little piece of fabric in the middle {in the front}, well one side of that ripped away from the underwire. So at least I still am "contained".

When I get back to my office I text the hubby to tell him of my misfortune and ask him if he can get Boog so I can run to Victoria's Secret. What does he do? He calls me laughing.

Thanks honey, I needed that.

So not only am I worried that in the next hour it will totally rip and unleash me, but I have to go spend another $48 bucks on a good bra, all the while my husband is laughing at me.

Men have it so easy.

Whiny Wednesday

The title Murry Mayhem stands true yet again. I am just flat out having a bad day. I won't go into all the gory details, but I am going to vent.

November is just not my favorite month to begin with. Then Caroline's birthday being right around Thanksgiving makes it worse. It's just a busy time. And I'm feeling it. A party to plan, Thanksgiving to cook for, and getting ready for Christmas.....Whew! Busy, Busy, Busy!

I have a lot that I haven't posted, and hopefully I'll get to that later! And they won't be whiny posts {promise!}.

If you can't say anything nice......

Ya know, I try to keep that old saying in the forefront of my mind sometimes, but other times, I just don't care! So, let me begin by saying this will be a venting post. Boog went to spend a week with her dad, and had a blast! Now, I am somewhat of an anal mommy, at least about certain things. Examples: There are only a few SELECT people that are allowed to drive with Caroline in the car, I don't like people to take her to LARGE public places like the mall or the zoo, she MUST ALWAYS ride in her booster seat, and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wear sunscreen! Let's just say that some people aren't as diligent as I am with these things.

We moms come in all different forms, and some are more crazy than others....I'm not quite sure where I fall, you'll have to decide :) But I am my mom in so many ways! My mom was always ready to deal with any situation, always had a bag in the car with the essentials: wipes, meds, band-aids, napkins, clothes, OFF, sunscreen, towels, you name it, she had it. I follow this same pattern....and its not just that I never clean out my car :)

Okay, to the point right? This is what my precious baby looked like when I picked her up last Sunday afternoon.









Now this may not look that bad to you, but what you can't see, is the tiny little white blisters on her shoulders. She hurt so much the next morning that I had to stay home with her....bless her little heart! So...now everyone understands why I am venting. I keep sunscreen in my car! At ALL times! Now I am not perfect, and yes, she has been sun burned on my watch before, but not like this....EVER! And you may think I am being really mean, but this is not the 1st time she has been sent home like this, or the 2nd, or the 3rd, this is about the 5th time! What goes through some people's head? Now I don't really want to seem like I am bashing her daddy, because we have come a long way in being able to keep an open line of communication and working together, but COME ON! He just doesn't think about the sun.

So for all you moms, please be diligent in putting sunscreen on your kiddos, it can cause so many problems now & in the future. Here's a little statistic for you: Children who have had 7 or more bad sunburns have a 30% greater chance of developing skin cancer in their early 20-30's.

Okay, I'm done!

Much Love~
Alicia