To My Caroline

On our way to church this morning, as we were talking, it took my breath away to listen to you.

Sometimes I feel like we forget how little you really are.  You've always been brilliant, spoken in a way that makes you years older than you really are.  And I think we forget.  You truly understand the things we say.  You comprehend so much more than people expect.

Being an only child you've been treated a little more grown-up than most of your friends, and that's okay.  But, I wonder.  Did we take away a little innocence because we spoke to you like an adult? 

Listening to you tell me about not getting to see a friend made me sad.  Things are different when you're at your father's house.  And it made me sad to hear you were sad that you didn't get to play.  It made me sad to hear you tell me that ugly things were said. 

I tried to explain it the best I could.  I hope I handled it better than what was said in front of you.

I hope that I made it easy for you to understand that it's not okay to talk to you about those things.  We've talked before about how your Tabby and I really try not to say hurtful things about your father and his wife in front of you.  And that's hard.  Sometimes when talking to you it's hard not to let the anger get the best of us and say ugly things.  But we try.

I struggle everyday sweet girl.  I pray that I handle parenthood with a 2nd set of parents in a way that's not harmful or negative.

I know how much you'd love for us to all be together and have family times together.  I wish we could give that to you.  At one point we could.  And it makes me sad that things have changed and you are affected. 

I want you to know that I thought my choices would be good for you.  I didn't want to take you away from your father.  I hoped giving you extra days with him would be what you wanted.

And after today, I don't think it is.  I'm heartbroken because of the way you feel.  I never want my little girl to have so much resentment.  And I cry trying to figure out the best way to handle it all.

I want happiness for you.  And at the heart of it, you are happy.  But it's the back and forth that takes its toll.  How do I help you with that?

I wish I had all the answers.  I wish this co-parenting thing was easier.

I hope that you always feel that you can talk to me about how you feel.

I want to make this easier on you.  I want this to be a good thing for you.

I don't want you to feel like you have to protect mine or your father's feelings because your feeling's are the most important.

Our job is to make sure you feel loved every second of every day.  Not to feel torn.  Not to feel like you are a burden.

Not to feel like your in the way.

Because none of those things are true.

I love you every second of every day.  I'm blessed beyond measure that God chose me to be your momma.

I love our days.  I love your belly laugh.  I love your chubby little toes.

And I love that I'm your momma and your my little girl.  That I get to love on you and show you all the good in the world.  That I get to watch you grow in so many ways.

And I don't ever want you to forget that.

I love you more.  More than all the stars in the sky.  More than anything.

I love you.

The Art of Writing a Letter

Did you ever have a pen-pal?  A grandma you got letters from?  I did, but that was years ago.  I send out my Christmas cards like a good girl, but I don't sit down often enough and write a true letter.  I was raised by a mother who was from East Texas, and if you know anything about that area, it's a world of it's own.  Very proper and traditional, very southern.  As in, you are a lady and will act accordingly.  So, you can imagine, my mother was true to her roots in raising her kids.  I grew up in Dallas, but those East Texas rules still applied.  Thus, we wrote letters.  Along with many other things that we can save for a post another day :)

I used to love getting letters in the mail, still do, but oddly it never happens these days.  I was reading a post by a sweet friend Nicole, and she was talking about the same thing...whatever happened to good old fashioned letter writing?  Computers, cell phones...not that I'm complaining, I love to get emails, I love to get comments here.  But come on, you know you get super excited when you open the mailbox and see that hand written letter.

Most of us are old enough to remember those days.  But what about our kids?  Caroline is 7 and uses a computer all the time.  She even wants to text!  So after reading Nicole's post about deciding she would start writing a letter each week to her grandmother, I had a little brainstorm.  You'll have to bear with me here, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet!  I know Caroline loves to write little notes to us, and herself, but what about to a new friend?

I'm pretty sure most of my readers have kids, or maybe grandkids...I'm not really sure.  My thought is that we all get our kids together through writing.  I know some of them are quite little, but we could have them color a picture.  How neat would it be for our kids to get something special in the mail...especially from a friend!

Let me know if you would like to have your kids participate!

Details:

send me an email to ashee7896 {at} yahoo {dot} com with the following info:

          -child's name {if you feel more comfortable not giving it, that's fine!}

          -male or female

          -age

          -location {You do not need to tell me where you live!  A  major city close to you, and state is fine!}
          The purpose of this is only to try to get someone who doesn't live around you!

          -your email address

Once I see who would like to do this, then I will try to match kids up accordingly by age, gender, and location.  Then I will email each of you with the information and the parents email address and leave it up to you from there.  I know some people like to remain private with where they live, and I totally respect that!  This is why I am not asking for everyone's address!  I feel like that's best left for the kids/families who write to each other.

A couple of other thoughts...it doesn't matter how young or old your kids are.  Little ones can color a picture, older ones can write, exchange a photo of each other, draw something...it's up to them!  They can continue this for as long as they want, or just try it a few times...no pressure, just the chance to experience something "old school"!  I do think it would be really cool if we blogged about doing this, share what our kids think of it.  They may hate it!  LOL!!

If you have any other ideas or suggestions for this little project, please let me know!  I just came up with this on the fly, but thought it would be super fun!

Oh, and feel free to pass this along to other bloggy friends, or post about it and link to me.  It never hurts to see where something might go!