Sunny Days

First, I want to thank everyone for your thoughts and prayers for my sweet Caroline! Y'all ROCK! I also want to thank Tim over at The Fort for posting about Caroline, and to all his readers who have thought of us! Y'all are just awesome!

So for the update...

Friday we went in, and her count was down to 30, so they decided before putting her in the hospital, they wanted to try a round of low dose steroids to get her platelets up. We had a very low-key weekend staying quiet around the house. It has been stormy and rainy down here for days, so that didn't help my already melancholy mood any, and staying inside for 4 days wasn't helping either. Finally, yesterday was a beautiful sunny day, so I decided Caroline and I needed a little outside time. Of course, I wasn't sure how she would do with being outside and staying calm, so I decided I would nip any thoughts of her running and playing in the bud by taking a walk. We walked Shimmer, Caroline's fearless little sidekick, and enjoyed the warm sun.

We went in first thing this morning to get her counts checked, I was hoping of course that they would be up, and I could take her to school. The good news is that they shot up to 145! Yipee! Some good progress! They want to see them get a little higher, in the 200's, but at least we are on our way! The semi-bad news is that she can't go back until tomorrow. Not a big deal, but I was really hoping that she could go back and get back into her normal routine, and I could get back to work. I need a little normalcy myself {not that I don't love being able to be home and take care of her!}, I am drained, and a little more than tired of Miss Spider and Sponge Bob.

I am so thankful to all the wonderful bloggers who have sent us words of encouragement and prayer, as well as all our family and friends who have offered their comfort and support in so many ways!
Thank You All...

Some Days I Just Want to Cry

Really. I sit here as I type this with tears in my eyes. Tears of love over my daughter. Tears of fear for this stinking ITP she is battling.

When she got home today, I did my customary body check for petechiea, something I never imagined I would be accustomed to doing. As I looked over her little body, I saw the spots, and my heart sank. In my mind, I was screaming, "No, not again!".

I am full of fear.

This can only mean her count has dropped more since her counts were done yesterday. I just want her to be healed. I knew going into this that it could be a long battle. It could be a one-time occurence, or this could be a chronic disease that she fights. I hate not having the answers.

I want this to go away and be a distant memory. Will it? Right now it doesn't feel that way.

I think about all the things that can happen. If she falls, if she gets a bad cut, what will happen? I know sitting and worrying over this is not helping, but I can't seem to stop. I just feel so helpless. No mother ever wants to hear their sweet, precious little 6 year old say that they are used to getting their blood taken. That's what she says now. She wanted to know if we would have to go tomorrow now since she has developed petechiea...and I don't have the answer. That hurts, deeply. When those eyes look up at me, I want to be able to give her all the answers she desires.

I also want my mom. Not to say that I don't have a great family support system, and a wonderful step-mom, but sometimes, you just want your mom, and I do. I just keep thinking about something she told me long ago...Pray without ceasing. So that's what I'm doing, praying without ceasing.

And so everyone can think I'm completely crazy, I know my mom is with us.

Of course, with my faith, I know she is in heaven. But, I also believe her spirit is here with us. There are things that have happened that can only lead to her being here. Some nights I go to kiss Caroline's sweet head after she is asleep, and I can smell my mom on her cheek. Her perfume. Her signature scent, that I might add, I've never known anyone to wear, but my mom. And it comforts me to know that she is here, that she loves Caroline from afar, and that looks over her. If that makes me crazy, fine by me.

I also find comfort in one of my most favorite scriptures. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

No, I can't heal her, but I can find strength in Christ during these painful times. And that's what I need. I can have comfort in my faith, comfort that He can heal her.

I plan on getting up in the morning, and doing our usual routine. I plan on calling the school and telling them to restrict her activity, and that breaks my heart. She loves her school and playing with her friends. And then, I'm going to wait patiently {ha} until 9am when her doctor's office opens, call and see what we do next. Do we still wait until Friday to check her counts, or do we need to come in today? Then what?

For now, I am going to kiss my sweet baby girl goodnight. Of course, she's been alseep since 8:30, but I can't seem to find some peace so that I can sleep. I'm just going to pray myself to sleep...after I read a little Twilight.

Keep us in your prayers or thoughts please? I do have great comfort in knowing that I have friends to stand with me.

Here We Go Again...

*****UPDATE*****

It dropped. A lot. From 201 to 58. Not good.

We go back for counts again on Friday. I'm praying it doesn't drop anymore. If it gets much lower, we will be headed back to the hospital more than likely.

She still has a fever that won't go away. She stayed on the couch all day...a huge feat for Caroline. And, she took a nap! Not like her at all!

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Original Post:

Let me just start by saying uggghhhhhh!!!!!

Today we go for Caroline's 2 week count check, and wouldn't you know she came and got in bed with us last night....you guessed it, with a fever. She has had the fever all day, with no other symptoms.

Just like last time, you know, when she was diagnosed with ITP,
and her count was a 10.

The only positive thing I see so far is that she doesn't seem to have any petechiea. I just don't know if I can stand this. Well, I know I will, but it just kills me that this is such an off the wall disease, with no apparent answers.

Normally when we go for our counts, we just go to the lab, and bypass her doctor all together. But, I thought I should call them since she was running a fever, and her doctor definitely wants to see her this time. We go in a few hours, so I'll update after we get home.

Could y'all say a quick prayer for my sweet boog? "Please Lord, let her be okay...."

Keeping up With the Joneses, errr, the Murry's

This post really has nothing to do with the titles original meaning, I just thought it would work for me today...since I am going to fill y'all in on everything we've been up to.

Caroline went for her last weekly count check yesterday {ITP/low platelets}. Her count went from 189 last Tuesday to 201!!!! I was sooo relieved. I had literally been worrying myself sick since last Thursday morning when she woke up feeling so crabby, with a horrible cough. Friday morning she was worse, so I kept her home, and doped her up on meds in the hope that I could get this to clear up quickly before her platelet count dropped again. I know, I know...I am not a doctor, I cannot make viral things go away, they have to run their course. But, I was just worried because that is the number one thing her doctor said usually brings on the ITP.

I know I can't stop it, but I was just so scared for her that she would have more needling poking to go through. So you can imagine my excitement when her count was up yesterday! She still has a horrible cough and runny nose, but now I am thinking maybe its just her allergies? I don't know!
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On another note, a few weeks ago, I took Caroline to take some spur of the moment pictures in the Bluebonnets. It was so fun, and she was so silly.


She had her own ideas of how she wanted to pose for the pictures...

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We also went to a birthday party, which was a lot of fun for the kids...it was at an inflatable party place...so fun for them. Unfortunately, the pictures aren't that great, because my camera isn't that great, so you'll just have to get over the bluriness!

They have this one slide that is sooo huge. The kids love it, and of course they beg us to go down it too! So here I am going down!


So embarrassing...all the girls wanted me to go down with them, so I obliged. I just didn't know they were going to pull me down with them.


Can you tell she was a little mad? She got caught running!

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Now, I have to brag a little. I try not be be the annoying mom who brags on and on about their kid, and usually I don't. But, I am really proud of my little girl!

Anyone who knows her, knows how incredibly bright she is, and no, I'm not just saying that. Let me give you some examples of her learning.

8 months - talking
10 months - walking
1 year - talking in full sentences
2 years - knew all her letters & numbers
3 years - could recognize words when seeing them

I could go on, but, if you know her, then you've experienced her. She has the vocabulary of a 3rd-4th grader, and amazes you by what she understands. They have little "exams" {for lack of a better word} to see how they are progressing in kindergarten. She does really well. She is in an advanced group in her class. In pre-k, one of the things they ask the kids is to start counting as high as they can. She sat down, started counting and got to 151, looked at her teacher and said, "I can go higher, but this is boring." She amazes me.

All this to say, that Caroline was selected to be part of the Gifted and Talented program in her school district. There are only 3 Kindergartners in her school that were selected {from what she tells me}, and I am so proud to be her mama! I know she will go far, and I can't wait to see what she does in life.

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Hopefully your still with me! We got to go spend some time with our good friends Robert & Lisa last week. They have a huge, gorgeous backyard, and they have a burn pit that we sit around when the nights are cool. We had a great time catching up with them, and took a few pics while we were there.


Can you see the fire in my glasses?

She loves their swing!

I :( ITP

This whole ITP thing makes me crazy. Of course, we went on Tuesday for Boog's platelet count, which traumatizes her every time, only to find out it dropped. 47k in a week. Tuesday the 10th, her count was 232k, Tuesday the 17th her count was 185k. Still in the "good zone", but it still dropped that much in a week. And there are faint signs of the petechiea showing its ugly face.

We get to go again on Friday to have her counts done, she was so excited, she jumped for joy...more like hysteria really. I hate having to put her though this.

150k is the lowest of "normal" platelet counts, so we are quickly approaching that, and once we do, then it's off to the specialist for them to decide what to do next. At this point all we really know is that if it drops to 100 or below, we will probably be putting sweet Caroline in the hospital for the 5 day IVIG infusions.

Keep on praying friends!

I Could Have Sworn Today was Wednesday

Really, I could have. I woke up, and thought it was Wednesday. How sad is that? Oh well, it's still another day right?

Just a quick blurb, I really don't have much today. I am about to head out and take Caroline for her second count check {ITP/low platelets/hospital scare}. Last week it was still up, so hopefully we are still good. She is definitely back to her old self again....which may be why I thought it was Wednesday, I just can't keep up.

The Power of God

I am writing this post with the most joy I have ever had! Of course everyone knows that we went in this morning to start the IVIG infusions. The got her IV in, and drew 2 things of blood, and said we would be heading to our room shortly. About 30 minutes later they came back in, and the doctor had this funny look on her face. Then she smiled! She said we could go home....HUH? Did I really hear that right?

Last week, her count was 2, today it was 263!!!

She said that all her counts were correct, because they hade been done so many times, and that occasionally, this just happens! That's because the Big Doctor listens!

The only other explanation she gave was that since Caroline seems to have a cold {green snot, cough}, that her blood is working on fighting that right now, and it is possible for her counts to go back down after it runs its course. Regardless, we have to go every week for a little while to have her counts done and make sure she is in the clear.

For now, she can have normal activity, and go back to school with no restrictions! I feel so blessed! Not only by the grace of God, but by all of our friends and family who have been thinking and praying for us over this last week! Thank you all! You will never know how much it has meant to us.

All our Love,
Tab, Alicia & Caroline

Latest on Tab & Caroline

We are sitting here in the hospital, not a very cozy place, talking about our sweet Caroline. Tab isn't getting any better, and we are waiting to see what the next plan is. For now, he justs keeps getting the meds and waiting. The blood cultures should be back on Friday, so hopefully we will have some answers then.

My beautiful little girl.
She is very sick. She has a long road to go. We went to the the specialist today, and learned a lot. Her platelet count yesterday was a 10, today it was a 2. I asked the Dr. what happens if it gets any lower, and her response was, it can't. They gave a 3 treatment options, and we are going to see what happens next. The 1st was a round of steroids that will last for 2 weeks, the 2nd was to admit her and do IV Immune Globulin Transfusions for days, and the 3rd was a 1 time IV but it has some scary side effects.

My gut reaction was to put her in the hospital for 5 days, but her dad didn't want to go that route. We ended up opting for the steroids. The only thing about this is that after she's finished, her platelets will drop again until they slowly start to rise. The 5 day IV will get them up and keep them there.

What makes this all so difficult is that while her platelets are so low, she is in danger of internal hemorrhaging. If she gets the slightest bump of an arm, or falls down, there is a strong chance she will bleed internally. If she gets a cut, she will have excessive bleeding because she doesn't have enough platelets to clot her blood.

The nitty gritty
She can have NO activity. NONE. She is not allowed to play outside. Period. She can't swing, ride a scooter or bike, she is only allowed to stay inside and color. This is going to be the hardest task I have ever been delegated to do...keep a extremely active 6 year old totally inactive! We have to meet with the school tomorrow to see if they will be able to comply with this, if not, then I have to stay home with her.

The petechiea is worse, a lot worse. And she has bruises all over her little body. If this keeps up, or she has any more nosebleeds that are hard to stop, then they will test for more serious diseases. And make no mistake she has a severe blood disease, that may or may not go away. If all goes well, she will get the all clear in about 8 months. But every time she gets any viral infection, we will be back to square 1.

We have to go every week for the 1st month to have her counts checked. Then we move to every 2 weeks, then on to 1 a month for about 6 months.

I think I have touched on all the major points of ITP and how it affects Caroline.

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I know I have so much to be thankful for right now, PRAISE God it's not Leukemia! But that doesn't discount the seriousness of the disease. We have a long road ahead of us, and we just have to keep praying that He will heal her completely. For now, I will try to keep my chin up.

Thank you to everyone that has kept us in your thought and prayers! Please keep it up!

Update: Tab & Caroline

Oh how I wish I was writing to say thank God, they are all better!

Tab was admitted to the hospital today at about 2pm. They expect it will take several days to get the staph out of his system. They had to go back and re-open his "wound" and drain and clean it, then re-pack it. He is on the strongest antibiotic to fight MRSA. They also gave him a super dose of steroids to boost his immune system.

Caroline is a whole different ballgame. I have cried so many tears today that my eyes are nearly swollen shut. Her dad, Steven came down to help out, and while I was getting Tab into the hospital, he took Caroline for her appointment. Her fever never would completely go away. She has these tiny red dots all over her back and legs, and lots of bruising., along with the constant head ache.

Steven called and said the words no mother {parent} ever wants to hear. They want to admit her to the hospital. I really thought I was going to pass out. I requested they do bloodwork on her because of the bruising and she has had about 8 nosebleeds in the past month. The bloodwork came back, with bad news. Her platelet count was really low. About 10,000. They got on the phone with some specialists, and decided their course of action.

She was diagnosed with Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura:
The exact cause of ITP isn't known. For that reason it's referred to as idiopathic — meaning "of unknown cause." It is known, however, that in people with idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, the immune system malfunctions and begins attacking platelets as if they were foreign substances.
Antibodies produced by your immune system attach themselves to the platelets, marking the platelets for destruction. The spleen, which helps your body fight infection, recognizes the antibodies and removes the platelets from your system. The result of this case of mistaken identity is a lower number of platelets than normal.
A common cause of petechiae is a low platelet count (thrombocytopenia). Platelets are blood cells that play an important role in blood clotting. Causes of a low platelet count include:
§ Autoimmune disorders, such as lupus or rheumatoid arthritis
§ Viral infections, such as mononucleosis and measles (rubella)
§ Side effect of certain medications, such as chemotherapy drugs
§ Bone marrow disorders, such as leukemia
§ Infection of your bloodstream (septicemia, or "blood poisoning")

In basic terms her platelets are attacking each other. The little red dots are Petechiae, which is explained above.

We will be going to see the Hematologist in the morning at a hospital an hour away. They are going to run a full blood panel on her, along with some other tests, but they wouldn't elaborate. We won't know until then if they will hospitalize her or not. If her platelet count drops any lower, they will.

What makes this whole thing worse is that a little over a week ago, I was talking to her dr. about the nosebleeds, and she said she would be worried if she saw any petechiea, as it is usually a sign of Leukemia. And then today she is covered with the petechiea.

Needless to say, I am falling apart. My husband is in one hospital with a severe staph infection that if it has traveled to his bloodstream could be fatal, and now my daughter may be hospitalized due to ITP, which could have far worse possibilities than just a passing thing.

I know I am the first to say that He will take care of us, and that He has a plan. But when its slapped in your face, it is so hard to hold onto that. No, my faith in God is not wavering. I am just in a low place right now until I can process all of this.

Please pray for my dear sweet family.