I promise....

I'm still here! Just been busy! Caroline's had a cold, I have been worrying, and just plain busy! Promise I'll catch up soon!

Here are a few pictures from the last week or so!


Sleeping on the couch with Shimmer!

God be With us Together and Apart

Tonight my heart is heavy. As silly as it seems to some, the blogging world is a community. A place for fellow parents, men, women, christians, people to get involved...on so many levels, on so many topics, on so much of our lives. There are many of us that are "real" friends, and others who we feel just as close to, who we feel a part of their lives and them a part of our lives.

Many of you follow MckMama at My Charming Kids. Which means that many of you know the state of Stellan's health at the moment. I ask you tonight to be in prayer or thought {whatever your beliefs} for this sweet little boy.

Many of you know his story. For those of you who don't, here is an extremely brief recap. During the pregnancy, he was diagnosed with Super Ventricular Tachychardia {among other things}, which is an extremely high heart beat. They said he wouldn't live. He was carried full term. He has never shown any signs of this horrible diagnosis, until now. He is 4 months old, and was taken last night to the ER. He was having some breathing issues, but they didn't think it was his heart. His heart was fine, but some of the meds he was given may have thrown him into the SVT. The doctors have been trying furiously to get his heart rate down to no avail. It just goes up and down.

Please be in thought and prayer for him and remember his family.

I feel like I know this family. When you are given a daily glimpse into the lives of others, there is a part of you that feels a small portion of what they feel. I have not only followed them for a while now, but I have been in contact with MckMama on a personal level too, so this just makes me hurt for her and her precious bunch. I would love to get the chance to really be Jennifer's friend. She is an amazing woman, mother, christian, wife, and so much more. I just wish that all of us that care for this family could be there to give them all a huge hug. But since I can't {maybe some of you can}, I am doing my part to share their story.

And yes, I am going to ask you yet again to pray, think about, send warm fuzzies, whatever you call it to Stellan tonight. Please be with them.

Love to you all~

Alicia

I :( ITP

This whole ITP thing makes me crazy. Of course, we went on Tuesday for Boog's platelet count, which traumatizes her every time, only to find out it dropped. 47k in a week. Tuesday the 10th, her count was 232k, Tuesday the 17th her count was 185k. Still in the "good zone", but it still dropped that much in a week. And there are faint signs of the petechiea showing its ugly face.

We get to go again on Friday to have her counts done, she was so excited, she jumped for joy...more like hysteria really. I hate having to put her though this.

150k is the lowest of "normal" platelet counts, so we are quickly approaching that, and once we do, then it's off to the specialist for them to decide what to do next. At this point all we really know is that if it drops to 100 or below, we will probably be putting sweet Caroline in the hospital for the 5 day IVIG infusions.

Keep on praying friends!

I Could Have Sworn Today was Wednesday

Really, I could have. I woke up, and thought it was Wednesday. How sad is that? Oh well, it's still another day right?

Just a quick blurb, I really don't have much today. I am about to head out and take Caroline for her second count check {ITP/low platelets/hospital scare}. Last week it was still up, so hopefully we are still good. She is definitely back to her old self again....which may be why I thought it was Wednesday, I just can't keep up.

Scary Girl

Caroline....she was being a scary cat. Hilarious! After a week of not playing she got the chance to resume her silly antics. And I was almost driven over the edge when she was still awake at 11:30 Saturday night. And then again at 7am Sunday morning when she came in to tell husband and I she was ready for her breakfast. Oh...to have that energy again.

Finally Friday

So it's Friday, WooHoo, Yipee, Hot Diggity Dog {I'm from TX y'all!}! This miserably rainy, cold week is finally coming to an end.




And of course my excitement has not a thing to do with Caroline coming home today, why would I be excited about that?

She and I already have big plans for the night, we've been making them on the phone all week! She wants to make dinner with me, and then we are going to make some sweet tea, coloring was mentioned, and painting. She wants to play hopscotch {not so sure about this one since it's raining}, paint her toenails, and my favorite, snuggle on the couch!

I missed my little Boog, I can't wait to kiss that sweet face!

***************************************************************
On another note, here is a little sneak peak of a small surprise I am making for a friend! Can you guess what it is?

**********************************************************************
Well, lunch is over, time to get to work!

Giveaway Ends SOON!

****Winners have been posted****

Hurry and get over to my other site, Carolina Sunshine Designs and get entered to my Giveaway! You have a few more hours to enter!!!!!

And don't forget to pass it on to your bloggy friends too!

Happy, Happy Friday!

Seriously in Shock

Wow...I truly had forgotten how cruel some people could be.

Unfortunately, Caroline's dad and his girlfriend have parted ways. What makes this sad is that Caroline really likes the girl {for this post we will call her GF}. And so did I. At first I was a little concerned because she is quite a bit younger, and that made me a little uneasy. I'd like to think that most of us as parents, try to do the best things for our children. GF & I sat down when the time came for Caroline to meet her, and I told her my concerns about her age, and the things I would like her to respect when it came to her dad and I raising our daughter. I felt really good about everything after we talked.

Over the course of this last 6-8 months, we have welcomed GF into our lives and our home with open arms. That may sound strange, maybe it doesn't, but her dad and GF seemed pretty serious so I wanted to make things easier for all of us by respecting his relationship. Because in the end, that's what best for Caroline. GF has been included in all things Caroline...school, holidays, we had them down for Caroline's b-day, and after the long day of 6 year old pampering, we offered for them to stay in our home. Again, the same situation on Christmas day. Which was fine, we get along, she seemed to respect our parenting roles, what could be better.

During this time, all of us including Caroline, had conversations about their future. They were talking about moving down here this summer to be closer to Caroline, talked about marriage, kids for them, etc. Since then, times have been rough for them, which is how it goes right? You have good times and bad times. But my concern with GF has always been how inexperienced she is in life. She is more than a decade younger than me, and just doesn't see quite how the world works. She still lives at home, and Caroline's dad moved in with them too, so GF has no clue what being a "real" adult, being on your own, is like. She thinks she knows. During the last few weeks when Caroline and Tab were trying to make me have a nervous breakdown, GF repeatedly "broke up" {that just sounds so funny to me} with Caroline's dad. I felt really bad for him, seeing as he was unsure about his daughters health, and what would happen next.

What makes this whole thing worse is that GF did all this, "it's over, and you need to move" while Caroline was there. To me, that was a conversation to be had without her present. And now, she has been there this whole week for spring break, to yet again be told that her dad has to move out. GF assured me the other day, after a crying Caroline said that GF told her they could go ride horses but then left to go to the movies with another boy, that she was thinking about how this would affect Caroline and making sure she didn't do anything to hurt her. Caroline doesn't understand what is going on. And later that night, GF thought that she would be asleep and that it would be okay for her to bring a guy home with her, change clothes, grab a change of clothes and her toothbrush and leave with this guy. Caroline was awake, and saw this. I made a visible comment about not respecting me or Caroline about doing this in front of her. And yes, I was a tad ugly {not with nasty language}, I just said that if she couldn't respect what I asked, then maybe she should introduce her boyfriend to Caroline next time.

I know, I know...I am better than that, I was just so mad that she blatantly ignored my rights as a mother to keep those things out of Caroline's vision, that I lashed out a little. Instead of being the adult she thinks she is, and talking to me about it, this is what I find:

TO:ALICIA_B***h f**k you, you dont even know what your talking about so shut your f***ing mouth- GF has friends that are guys and no that isnt her boyfriend, you should be more concerned about her {Caroline's} dad taking care of her instead of who GF is with or not with. GF doesnt want to f***ing go home because your x-husband is there driving her crazy!{GF asked him to move in with her} ...so before you go believing everything that comes out of his mouth y dont you check yourself and get both sides of the story {I called and asked GF what was going on} and leave GF the f**k alone have you ever thought if steven actually had a stable life and could live on his own then THAT would prevent alot of things you dont agree with{so that makes GF's actions okay because he is living with her}?? hello. yall both should be lucky GF doesnt kick steven out of her house right now..now maybe yall should think about how that would make Caroline feel- because without GF right now he is homeless..{he might be, but Caroline has a loving, moral home with me & Tab, where those immoral things don't take place.}

This was sent to me by GF's best friend, whojust recently had a baby...at 18, I guess she already got the Best Mom Award, and has earned the right to tell me a mom of 6+ years how to be a parent. I guess maybe I have a lot more to learn about being a good parent. Ahhhhh. What it must be like to be so young and act so carefree. I prefer to spend my time making sure my little girl has the best childhood she can.

I would really like your comments on this one. Am I overreacting? Did I over step my bounds? Did I do the right thing and look out for Caroline's best interests? At this point, I just don't know. I prayed for wisdom last night, and comfort in my actions. I also prayed for GF and her friend. I do know that I love that precious, innocent, sweet little girl more than I could ever say in words.

Catching Up....

I have made a ton of post over the last several days, so just click each link below to Catch Up!

Another Huge Giveaway

Being a Girl

NEW - Mother's Day Orders **GIVEAWAY**

I'm a very Sad Mama

Weekend Fun

Yeehaw!

ANOTHER HUGE GIVEAWAY!!!

The one and only Drama Mama {who just so happens to be a real life friend!!} is hosting an AWESOME GIVEAWAY!

Her dear friend, Camily took these gorgeous pictures of her family:











Well, she is part of this fun giveaway!
She is giving one of YOU a free photo session! That's F-R-E-E, people!

So here's the scoop....Camily will do a shoot for an individual, children, or a family in the Dallas area. She will shoot on location at the Arboretum, or any of the locations you see on her photography blog (and is open to suggestions if you have another idea). She will spend about an hour with the winner or long enough to get some good photographs. Camily will then edit the images and give you a copy of a CD with all the good photos for you to print as you would like.

The value of the photo shoot AND photo CD is $250!!!

And just for fun, we will have a second drawing for a free blog makeover done by yours truly!

Here is how you can enter.....

Just click THIS LINK! Once you get to DM's Post, just follow her instructions! It's so simple! And who doesn't love new Photographs of their family...or a super cute Blog Design?

She will use the random generator thingy to pick a winner on Wednesday night. And the winners will be posted on Thursday! So, what are you waiting for? Get busy, folks!

Being a Girl

Sometimes it just sucks. Really, it does. And you know I'm right!
Seriously, being almost 31 and having stinking Acne. What?!?
Some days it's just not fair.

NEW - Mother's Day Orders **GIVEAWAY**

Alright Bloggy Buddies!! Go check out Carolina Sunshine Designs for a GREAT GIVEAWAY!

There are 3 different ways to get entries into the giveaway!

You could win a personalized Canvas Photo Frame!

I'm a Very Sad Mama

I know I should enjoy the time I have to myself....I really should, but I just can't. Over these last few years, friends have tried to encourage me to enjoy my kid-free time. Some days I can, but most of the time...I'm pathetic.

Let me put it to you this way. I am the type of parent that hates getting a babysitter, unless its for a special occasion, or another equally good reason. I know I may be starting a fire here, but for me, I didn't want to have kids just to have someone else watch them. I already have less time with her from having to work, and now because she has started school. So for me, I hate to have a babysitter, and therefore we usually won't go places where Caroline is less than welcome. Now that doesn't happen often, basically just on special occasions, which are rare enough anyway.

I'm sure if I stayed at home full-time, I may want more time without her glued to me. But, I'm not, so I like having her around...most of the time!

Unfortunately, her father and I divorced 3 years ago. Of course this is a whole other issue, but I tell you this because it explains my kid-free time. Her dad lives north of where we live, because that's where we both are from. I moved south because my family moved south. I will not say any bad things about the situation, other than he doesn't get to see her as often as he should. Part by choice, and part because of work. He doesn't want to take her away from things she has going on down here, so some of his weekends are lost. But don't think that I just leave it at that, I offer him anytime he wants to spend with her. For the most part, it works well. 90% of the time, we make plans with our friends to do grown-up things while she is with her dad, so thus I have even more strong feelings about having a babysitter. I have one on certain weekends.

After a huge miscommunication, he decided that he wanted her for the week of Spring Break. Which is great! She gets to spend much needed time with her dad. But he stinks at making plans, and lets me know Friday night at 8pm that he wants to get her. And he's not sure when he can come get her. But the best part is that he only has off 3 days of this week, so he was going to bring her back on Thursday. Again, fine, but I refuse to pay 88 bucks for 2 days of daycare. Not going to happen. So after me calling my best friend, Michelle, who still lives there, she will be staying the whole week and getting to spend some time with Michelle and her kiddos.

And now that I have totally gone off subject, I will finally get back to my point. I miss Boog.

I know, I know. I work all day anyway. But there won't be any picking her up in the afternoons, bathtime, hair brushing, or kisses. No kitchen helper. I'll admit, it will be nice to not hear her begging for me to do every little thing for her for a few days, but I'll be sad just the same. I won't have my nightly prayer over her, sweet morning smiles, and her infectious giggle to keep me company.




I am pathetic. Really I am. I can live with the weekend thing, it's the week thing I hate. And in the summer, it's 42 days because we live more than 100 miles apart...but he's moved closer, and he's under that 100 miles, so...it will only be 30 this summer! WooHoo! Can you tell I plan ahead?

Weekend Fun

This weekend just happened to be such nice weather, that we tried to do tons outside, which is fine with Caroline, she loves to be outside. We played hopscotch, soccer, rode her bicycle, played Monkey in the Middle {Keep Away}, played with the puppies, and just had a good time! Tab worked on his old ratty truck, and after he was done, he and Caroline drove it around a little.



She was a little upset with Tab when he spun the tires!


And while I was at the end of our road, I snapped a few shots of our house. I know I have mentioned that we live in the country, but here is the proof! We live in a Ranch Style Stone house with a tin roof, my father-in-law built the house in 1983. A few years back, he built a new house, and it's so cool to know he built them, with some help from family and friends! And please ignore the dead grass, trees, bushes etc...It's much prettier in spring and summer when everything is green and blooming!


This is from the end of our "driveway"

********************************************************************************************
Saturday night, Caroline wanted me to make homemade pizza. For some reason, she is completely mezmorized by the fact that I make my own sauce. So together she and I made pizzas. She is really becoming quite involved in the kitchen, which I love, so she "made" hers all by herself. She wanted everyone to see her "pretty" pizza, she even made Tab come into the kitchen to see it before we put it in the oven...such a stinking cutie!


Before the oven
{and yes, I cut the tomatoes...even with her adament words that she could do it}

After it was done

Hope everyone enjoyed their weekends, I know we sure did!

YeeeHaw!

Today was the Kindergarten Rodeo, and let me just tell you, I don't think I have ever seen a group of kids so excited! Seriously. They were super cute!

What makes it even better for me...Boog got to participate when we didn't even think she would BE there today! Remember, she was supposed to be on her last day of IVIG infusions, but Praise God, she didn't need a single one! She was really sad last week when she thought she would be in the hospital and miss the rodeo, she said they had been practicing for a while and she wanted to be there. Not only was she there, but she didn't have to sit on the side and watch!

I'm telling you, these kids wore themselves plum out! They started by doing a musical in the gym, they did several songs, and had tons of fun! They all rode in on wooden horses they made out of yard sticks...so much fun! Afterwards, we all went outside where they had "Rodeo Events" set-up. Talk about going all out, they did! They had barrel races {on their wooden horses}, target shooting {with water guns}, calf roping {with a longhorn skull and hula hoops}, oil relay races {they used colored water and had to carry a ladle full of "oil" to the next person}, and western dress.

When they were done, thay all got a turn sitting on a saddle for their Western picture. It was so much fun for the teachers, kids, and the parents...great memories!

Here are some pictures from the days events! Some of them are blurry...sorry!






Target Shooting

Calf Roping

Barrel Racing

All the girls in Caroline's Class

Caroline & Matthew



Mrs. Barrick's Kindergarten Class 08-09

Me & my baby girl



Okay...do you remember these? Yuck!
I do, and she wanted me to buy a school lunch!
Umm...no thanks, I served my time in school!

What a Whirlwind

In the last week I truly thought I would be driving from hospital to hospital seeing the 2 people I love the most. I never got time to "lose it", "break down" or really deal with how I was feeling. Oh sure, I cried when they admitted hubby to the hospital, and I cried when I got the call from her pedi that her counts were really low, and I cried later on the night we saw the hematologist and she told me her count was a 2.

I'm good in a crisis. Very levelheaded, competent, and I deal really well with them. Now had Caroline been puking...she would have been on her own. I don't do puke. Ever. But when there is blood, bone, or other yucky things, I'm your girl. But it seems I just never get to deal with how I'm feeling. I do eventually, just not when said crisis happens. I can't be the one to break down in front of Caroline. I can't let her know I'm scared, because then, the person she looks to the most would scare the fire out of her.

On night 2 of hubby's hospital stay {the same day Caroline's count was a 2} I asked the nurse if she had any Xanax. Yes, I really asked. I was joking, but if she had appeared moments later with meds in hand, I would have gladly accepted them. At that point, I had only had 8 hours of sleep in the past 72 hours. I was exhuasted...physically, mentally, and emotionally exhuasted. I finally let go a little then, I cried when I called my best friend Michelle, and told her that if it was anything worse then ITP I needed her. I wouldn't be able to do it without her.

Friday night when we finally got hubby home, I felt slightly better. I had begun my extreme cleaning of all things belonging to husband {lots of bleach}, and to get mine, his and Caroline's things ready for her hospital stay in a few days time. Finally, Sunday evening, I have gotten everything cleaned, packed, tended to, and ready to go for our week in another hospital. That night as hubby and I lay in bed {well, I was sitting, I just couldn't lay down yet}, I finally let myself cry and cry.

For a few moments, I felt so inadequate as a wife and mother. But mostly as a mother. Something I'm not sure if I've ever shared before is that I'm adopted. And beyond being adopted, I have never had the desire to know about my birth parents, their medical histories, their stories period. I have been blessed. Blessed with the best parents a kid could ask for, health, and an easy pregnancy. I never felt the need to get any info, and even I did want it, I couldn't get it. My adoption was not a typical adoption...even for the late 70's. Completely closed adoption. Just the lawyers. With strict boundaries such as my birth parents medical history. Heck, my birth father never even knew about me.

back to my point...

I sat there that night and cried because I had no clue as to what could be in Caroline's future. The doctors had asked me so many medical history questions, and as her dad and I sat there, I couldn't answer a single one.

"Is there any history of blood disease or Luekemia?"
"I'm adopted, I don't know."

I felt like I had somehow failed my beautiful little girl. Now, I'm not having a pity party, but at that moment, even though there was nothing I could have done or known, I felt like I failed her. I cried for her that night, and went to sleep praying over her sweet soul, that He would heal her.

The next morning of course, we are loading the car, getting last minute details sorted, and hitting the road. I have a peace about the whole thing by this point. We have chosen the best treatment option for her, and feel a peace about what we are about to endure.

When we get there, we are all a little sad, and Caroline makes me hold her the whole time {happy to oblige!}, and we wait. They put the IV in, pull out two vials of blood, and tell us they will be back soon to put us in our room. Next thing we know, we are out the door, skipping to the car, and talking about all the playing she gets to do when she gets home. She is healed.

******************************************************************************************
Most of the rest of Monday was fun for us, watching her expend all that pent up 6 yr. old energy! But then I kept thinking, I still have so much to do. Unpack, make more follow-up appointments, go to the grocery store, talk to her school, set-up a place for her to go for spring break. Blah Blah Blah. I'll take the Blahs, what a whirlwind!


Here are some pictures of Caroline playing Wii bowling once we got home, she was so happy!







And this is what was sitting in our living room when we got home. My parents dropped it off for her. She loves this stinking bear. It has become her bed!

The Power of God

I am writing this post with the most joy I have ever had! Of course everyone knows that we went in this morning to start the IVIG infusions. The got her IV in, and drew 2 things of blood, and said we would be heading to our room shortly. About 30 minutes later they came back in, and the doctor had this funny look on her face. Then she smiled! She said we could go home....HUH? Did I really hear that right?

Last week, her count was 2, today it was 263!!!

She said that all her counts were correct, because they hade been done so many times, and that occasionally, this just happens! That's because the Big Doctor listens!

The only other explanation she gave was that since Caroline seems to have a cold {green snot, cough}, that her blood is working on fighting that right now, and it is possible for her counts to go back down after it runs its course. Regardless, we have to go every week for a little while to have her counts done and make sure she is in the clear.

For now, she can have normal activity, and go back to school with no restrictions! I feel so blessed! Not only by the grace of God, but by all of our friends and family who have been thinking and praying for us over this last week! Thank you all! You will never know how much it has meant to us.

All our Love,
Tab, Alicia & Caroline