Letter to Abby

I have no stake in this. But, I might have some wisdom to impart on you. Please read this knowing {I'm about to sound so mean, but I'm not trying to be ugly!} that I don't care who he is with, I just want him to be a good dad, and he really wasn't. Your decisions are your own, and no one elses, so don't let anyone influence you, or make you feel bad about your choices.

People are complicated creatures {as if you didn't already know that}, and it takes a great deal of time, patience and understanding to build a strong foundation for a relationship. There will ALWAYS be rough times, but what you have to look for are the good times. They may not always come easily.

We were never meant to be. We both knew that but gave it a try regardless, we had a little one at stake. There are things you will learn about him that will bother you, things you will wish you had been a part of, and things you will wish you could just erase.

He is to say the least, a very complicated person, who has lead a very emotional and complicated life. There is no changing that. You have to look forward to what the future might be. Certain people can't help, or be good for each other, and that was our situation {well that, and a lack of love}. You have to reel him in, and make him be responsible for things. He hasn't quite figured out how to do that on his own. Becoming an adult, parent, and mate are not easy things, and he needs help.

I'm not saying that you are or you aren't the person for that. Only God knows who is. Love isn't just about how someone makes you feel either. It's about sooo much more. If you truly love him, then you will find your way.

You can't let yourself ever get caught up in what people that are looking in have to say. You have to make choices on your own. I'm saying this simply because I know I have been very honest about a lot of things, and you can't let that sway you. People are different when they are around different people. Different people make us want to change.

He has lots of things to work on, boy do I know, but things take time. I'm not sure exactly how your feeling, and I don't want to know. But I do know that he loves you. For him to tell me he lost the love of his life, I know how he feels. I can start crying just at the mere thought of not having Tab in my life. I absolutely cannot picture any of my future without him. That's the biggest question you have for yourself. Can I truly picture my life without him? And that's a hard question to ask.

You will always want to be more stable in certain areas of your life, but don't let that cheat you out of love. It takes time to get where you want to be, and don't ever expect it to happen in the next few years, it won't. You are so young, and it will take so much time to build your life the way you want it. There is not a single person I know that has what they wanted at your age unless they settled for wealth and maturity over love. I'm not saying it's not possible to have it all, but don't expect to be really stable and settled at your age, you might set yourself up for a huge heartbreak.

I did. Growing up I never wanted for anything, I just got it. I didn't value anything, I just had it. When I met him, I expected to have my life not change, just add him to it. Yea, that didn't happen, and it started years of fighting and unhappiness for us both.

You'll find your way. And I commend you for taking a stand and saying you've had enough. I wish I had too. Just remember that its a long road to go down, and you have to do it together. It can't ever be one sided, in any part of your relationship. No matter what life brings you, or rather what road God takes you down, you'll figure it out...

Alicia