Heavy on My Heart

I have been MIA for the last several days...sorry about that. One of the things I love most about blogging is that I can vent, share great things, have friendships, and meet people like me. There have been things happening this week that I don't know how to verbalize, but I want to. I'm sure most of this won't make much sense to anyone but me, and I apologize for that, but I just have to let some pain, anger, hurt and sorrow out.

Things can happen so quickly that you don't even have time to breath, which is exactly how I've felt this week. Monday started great, and then our world came tumbling down. Accusations were made, hearts broke, relationships and families destroyed. Things were said that made us put into question family, friends, children...those who we love the most.

This is not right...none of it. My view of the seriousness of this situation was called into question, by someone who thinks they know me, though they don't. My husband's view was called into question. The reality of it all makes me dizzy. The thought that there are people out there that are so convinced they are the only ones who know the truth, when the real truth may be just under their noses.

This whole thing seems so shocking, and part of it is. What scares me most is that people can't and won't see the truth through their own misguided fog, relying only on their opinion and nothing else, refusing to admit their faults in this. This is something that has shaken my whole family, as well as many other families. I think our biggest concern in the situation greatly differs, and may cause someone who needs help to get the wrong kind of help, or none at all. There are innocent people, families, who are being dragged into a situation that may or may not only involve one. We may never know the truth and that shakes me to the core, breaks my heart and changes how I view things. It changes who we will allow to be close to those we love. There are people who we can never trust again.

I pray that God will reveal the truth, that I have not been blind to this. I just don't feel that I have been. I know one of the people involved better than anyone else in the world, except for God himself. I need wisdom and guidance in this, understanding, truth. I need my world to be whole again and not torn apart. I need a way to shelter our family from this ugliness. I feel like I'm being told that I'm stupid simply because my view varies from others. And make no mistake, those who I have spoken with share the same view as my husband & I do. Professionals share our views.

Of course since this situation is unknown to you, you don't know our views, but I will share this:

Things clearly happened that were not good. Things that could have a serious meaning behind them. But given the amount of time since it happened, and no other instances until now, that is not likely. It seems to be that something new has happened that is not directly related to the other, but carries the same tone. And since they travel in the same realm, it is being directly related to the new situation, it's said that it's the cause. Maybe it is. I don't know. I think it is mostly a misguided, misunderstood, thing that was dealt with way back when, and know is being brought to the forefront of a totally unrelated situation. But that some of those involved are unwilling to accept another explanation for the current problem at hand.

The bottom line is that I have no clue what really happened. I wasn't there. Tab wasn't there. We have to go from what we were told 2nd and 3rd hand, which includes multiple story changes from some of the other people involved. I'm not sure if I'll ever know what really has happened. And I hate that just because someone tells me something, they feel that I have to react, feel, proceed, and see things the way they do, otherwise, I'm stupid.

I've been through a lot in my 31 years, some things I never thought I would. This one is at the top of the list. I just feel so raw, like I've been stripped to the bone. I just have to keep my faith in Him at the forefront of my mind, and know that He will lead us where we need to go. Only He can show us what the real truth is, and only He can bring us comfort.

Please be with us in thought. Though I know how hard it may seem to pray when there is no "real" request, please pray with us, for us, for those involved.