Every November 13th I find myself at a loss. I don't know quite what to do without you. I'm usually a little crabby, and a lot sad. All I really want to do is go sit with you.
I keep thinking that it really will get easier, and I guess it does on a daily basis, but come November 13th, I just want my mommy.
Caroline wants to know so much about you. She'll ask me questions about you, and I have to try to hold it together when I answer. But I have tons of pictures that I show her and of course lots of stories. I want you to know her. You would be so in love. You'd probably want to pinch her little head off, but she's so precious you just can't. Sometimes I know your with her. I smell you on her cheeks. Tab thought I was a little crazy, so I proved it to him. He leaned down and smelled her sweet face, and then I went and got your perfume that I keep locked away only for me to remember you, and let him smell...he was stunned.
I keep a picture of you in the kitchen, because that's where I feel you most, I feel like your guiding my way as I cook dinner, or bake cupcakes for school. Some of my fondest memories are of cooking with you and learning all those down home recipes from East Texas. I joined the PTA and am Caroline's room mom this year, just like you always were. You also passed down my craft craziness and I spend free moments crafting away. I want to sit on the couch with you and watch ER. I want to be able to go to the grocery store and call you when I can't find just what I'm looking for.
I want to go to church and see you teaching your little 5 year olds. You loved them so much.
I want you to see Caroline. I think that hurts the most. I just know how much you would love her. You would be so proud of her, she's in the Gifted & Talented program, she does 2nd grade math! Can you believe that? How ever did that happen? Not from me! I buy her learning books just like you did for me, she loves them too.
Maybe this year I'll make your peppermint bark for Christmas, I just haven't been able to do it yet, maybe this will be the year.
You were so special to me...are so special to me...and you always will be.
Love, Alicia
8 comments:
Oh Alicia! What a very special post. Your mom was a very beautiful woman. Sounds like she was a wonderful mom and wife. I will be praying for you today. I pray that the Lord give you so much comfort and I know your mom is looking down from heaven and is so proud of you!
Good grief Caroline looks just like you did at her age! Praying for you today, friend!
Nicole
Alicia~
I pray today you have peace about your Mom and know she is watching you & loves,& knows sweet Caroline! Praying for you sweet friend! HUGS!!!
what a beautiful post, alicia! :) i know your mom is smiling down with such love for you and your sweet family. that is such a sweet story about caroline smelling like her....gave me goose bumps! praying for you, girl! :(
when my mom gets here for thanksgiving, i will hug and kiss her tighter and thank God that I still have her here on earth.....thank you for the reminder of how precious life is.
blessings to you during this difficult time....hope you feel better!
Getting caught up on posts...what a wonderful tribute to your mom! Thanks for sharing her with us! and I totally agree Caroline looks exactly like you did as a child!
Girl, I sit here writing through my tears because I feel
EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I keep hoping it will get easier, but it doesn't. Just different.
Feel better soon. Praying for you.
Alicia,
I am so blessed to read your blog about your mom. I remember her well as a loving teacher dedicated to the children and the Lord. God bless you each day as you honor her memory by being a great mom to your precious little girl. (She does look exactly like I remember you!) Love, Brenda Magness
Oh Alicia, you made me cry. I miss your mother, too. every time I make one of her soup recipes or corn salad, I think of her.. and the mother's day out photo that you posted has Erin in it. She is watching over you.
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