Mom Struggles: Friendships

I know it seems like all I talk about lately is tweens.  Probably because I have one.  It consumes most of my time.  What I don't talk about is tween mommas.  Let's talk about that today.  Bare with me.

We spend 5 years in elementary school building relationships, with teachers, other mommas, our kids with other kids etc., only to be dumped into a whole new school and start the whole process all.over.again.

What about those other relationships?  What about new relationships?  How do we help our kids navigate through all that and not lose ourselves in the process?  Seems silly, huh?  The struggle is real y'all.

We spent 5th grade in a kind of blur and so far that's how 6th grade is going.  Everything just happened so fast that it truly just took me by surprise.  We went from a tiny school to a huge school and with that a ton of new people for Caroline to meet.  This is a GOOD thing people.  We want our kids to expand their relationships, grow, find themselves, get involved.  Now the BAD part of that is that kids feel a little lost, and so do the mommas.

Let me explain that a little.  When we first build up our kids and support their little friendships, we usually make friends with those mommas.  As the kiddos make new friends, we moms may or may not make new friends.  Why?  Well, it's simple.  We may have friendships that we cherish, we feel fulfilled with those, and don't necessarily care to delve too deeply into making new friendships.  Not that we won't be friends with new moms, but we may not invest as much into it as we did in the past, maybe we will.

After talking to a handful of my momma friends, I realized several things.  Girls see how their moms handle relationships, and they act that out in their little lives.  I also realized that some mommas feel like as their kids grow away from old friendships, they also grow away from previous friendships.  With that these moms feel guilt that their kids aren't friends with other kids anymore and don't quite know how to navigate those momma friendships anymore.

Both of these are fine, what makes both not okay is when people get hurt.  Like I said in my other post, we should be teaching our girls to be better than that.  It's heartbreaking really, to see the moms go through this.  Why?  Because we're not 11/12 and should have a handle on being adults and handling friendships in an adult manner.  We know better.  As mommas, we know our kids will make new friends over the years and that they may grow apart from some friendships.  We also know that with growing up comes growing pains and dealing with other girls that may not always be nice.  But why do we have to deal with these things from moms too?

I don't know. But it makes me sad.

I have a handful of friends that I count on.  All the time.  Women who have been there at my worst, who have come to my rescue in a pinch and who love my kid like their own.  No matter what status our daughters friendship is in, I plan on my friendships staying the same.  I guess that's where the last 2 years have been a bit of a confusing time for me.  Those friendships aren't the same anymore and I just don't know why.  I've distanced myself because of it.  I'm not as involved because it hurts.  Not that these friendships are ruined, or done with, they've just changed.  Hopefully one day it will be different.

That's really the whole point of this post.  Just because our kids aren't close anymore shouldn't have any bearing on our own friendships.  When our kids see this, they think it's okay to do the same and they don't value friendships.  Friendships always change, but that doesn't mean we toss them aside.  We learn to grow in a new capacity and I want to teach that to my tween girl.  I want her to know that her friends no matter how close they are, they matter, they have value.

Love your other momma friends, I promise it'll make our daughters that much more loving to their friends.