Trash TV

Let's be honest y'all, I'll start.  I'm a sucker for trashy TV shows.  Ok, maybe not exactly trashy, but just plain bad reality shows.  Now don't get me wrong, I do have a line that can't be crossed.  Can we say Honey Boo Boo Child?

Sometimes, when I pull up my DVR list, I just giggle at all the mindless nonsense that resides there.

I don't know about you, but the whole Real Housewives Franchise has me hooked.  It started with the OC.  I was just beyond shocked at the way these women lived.  It was like a whole new world to this Texas girl.  I mean, I'm not a stranger to people with lots of money, this is Texas after all and I was raised in the Big D.  It was the whole lifestyle, the parties, the clothes, the tans, the plastic surgery. Whew.  It was a lot of crazy.

Then I got suckered into New Jersey.  And sadly, I like their spunk.  They have passion.  But obviously, they have honesty issues.  Those women are a hot.mess.

Atlanta was a little too loud for me, so I just skipped that one, only to get drawn in by my friend.  Dang you Misty!  Now, they just crack me up.  But if their seasons continue down the same paths they have for the last 2, they may lose me again.

Then we move on to Beverly Hills.  And if I thought the OC was over the top, Beverly Hills was just plain jaw dropping.  Although, I love me some Lisa Vanderpump.

 
Then there's the hustle & bustle of New York.  This group is a whole 'nother kind of crazy. 

We wrap-up with the feisty Miami bunch.  I only thought I talked fast and with a heavy accent.

Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of these ladies that are business women and mother's who love their kiddos.  I just can't imagine all the drama between each group of ladies.  Maybe because my life is full of running a family and business, PTA and soccer, they just flat out puzzle me.  I don't know where I'd fit in the time to live that kind of lifestyle.  But hey, if some producer wants to come film me chasing Caroline, editing pictures, cooking dinner and watching my laundry pile grow, bring.it.on.

Mothering Without Your Mom

Being a momma should come with a little book.  A book that tells you about all the ups and downs.  About the scrapes and cuts.  About school, about mood swings.  A book with bedtime tips.

Well, it doesn't.

We mommas have to give it our best shot. 

Many of us turn to our own moms.  But what do you do when your momma left you way too soon?  When she just watches and guides you from heaven?

You cry.  You scream.  You vow to be a great mom just like she was and make her proud.

You remember all the things she did with you, all the traditions, all the ways she was there for you.

I never got the chance for my mom to see me as a mother.  That's been the single hardest part of Caroline's life for me.  She never got to hold her.  Kiss her sweet face.  Help me when I panic when she's sick.

I can't tell you the times I needed her advice, and surely will as Caroline gets to the teenage years.  It's hard to raise a kid without your mom there to help guide you through it all.  Now I realize there are probably many many mommas out there in my shoes, and there are many out there that may not have a close relationship with their moms, and you know, it's ok.

I'm ok. Caroline is ok.  But it would be the most amazing thing in the world for me to have my mom here as I go through this journey.  She was simply amazing.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, miss her. 

So, on Mother's Day, I'm a little torn.  I'm so thankful that God chose me to be Caroline's momma, but so sad because I can't celebrate the day with my momma.  That we can't all be together, celebrating each other.  It's a bittersweet day.

Just remember that we should all help each other, because sometimes, we don't have our mommas to look to for advice.

Here's to all the mother's!!!

Camping 101

We love to camp. It's such a simple way to have complete down time with the family.  We camped with sweet friends last weekend on short notice, like they called and we hooked up to the camper and left.

This weekend I'm ready.

See? 

One of the first things I needed to do was get out the little tent and check things out. Make sure everything was there, that the air mattress would fit inside...

Well...I think we'll take the big tent on second thought.

I don't really have anything to say other than have a great weekend peeps!  

...and always check your camping gear before you get to the campsite!

My Heart is Hurting

I can't believe it's almost March.  I'm not quite sure what happened to February, here one day and almost gone the next.

Life lately hasn't been what I had planned for it to be at the end of 2013.  But, then again, when is it ever what we planned?

Our house has grown by leaps and bounds. Well, okay, the house hasn't grown, just the number of occupants.  A few days before Christmas my sister told me she needed to bring her and her girls to live with us.  Like most of us, when your family needs you, your there in anyway you can be.  So on December 26th, at 11:30pm my sister, two nieces and their 3 pets pull into the drive after a grueling 3 days and 2600 mile drive.

Life hasn't been the same since.

We literally doubled our household size, which I thought I was ready for, but turns out I wasn't.  Not emotionally, not financially, not at all.  There's been bumps and bruises along the way and plenty of tears and laughter too.  It takes a lot going from 1 kid to 3.  I've gained a new appreciation for all those with 3+ kiddos. There's a huge learning curve when your not the parent, but, it's your house and your rules.  And 2 different parenting styles, 2 completely opposite ways of living.

I suppose you could say I was a little naive when I thought they'd move in and it'd be life as usual.  It's been anything but usual.  I knew how very different my sister and I were, I just didn't consider what that actually meant when raising our respective kids and running our households.  Our lives are so very different.  And it's breaking me.  It's breaking them.  It's breaking all of us.

I try to work through things daily so that we can all stay sane, and I seem to fail miserably.  I'm realizing how very picky I am about things in my house.  How things are handled, how things are cleaned, how things should happen.  I didn't think I would have such a strong sense of controlling the situation, and God is showing me I can't.  I've learned to appreciate my husband and daughter so much more than I did before, which I didn't think was possible.

My sweet daughter is becoming mean.  Yep, I said it.  She's so distraught that she has lost her sweet tender demeanor and has become snippy and short tempered.  I pray with her, read verses from the bible to try and guide her through this trial.  Some days she does really well and gets along great with everyone, and other days she has so much resentment.  I feel a huge amount of guilt over her distress.  I never stopped once to think how going from being the only child to having essentially 2 siblings would affect her.  She's been completely uprooted, losing her bedroom and bathroom.  Her daily routine is all out of kilter.  I'm aware of how selfish that sounds, but can you imagine being the only child for 11 years and then giving up all your space, all your comforts, all things familiar to you?  My nieces are 17 and 10, set in their ways and very very different from Caroline.  And they are struggling too, making it a tough place to live right now.  I thought the youngest niece and Caroline would be thrilled to have each other, but when there is such a drastic difference in the way each of them have been raised, it doesn't mesh well.

I really struggle with finding my Christian heart some days.  I try to remember the difficulties and upset they moved from, holding onto the hope that they will see all the love that's shared between Tab, Caroline and me.  I want so much for them, I just can't seem to help them find the way.  I know they have to want it for themselves, its not something I can do for them, but I wish I could.

I haven't felt like I could come here and talk about this before now, but I need to get it all out, or as much of it as possible.  I need that release of letting go of all of the hurt, the shock, the disbelief of how this is turning out.

I may not talk about it again, I don't know.  What I do know right now is that I would love your prayers.  Prayers of stability for my sister in a job, so that she can provide a home to her girls and they will feel like they have a place again.  Prayers for my sweet husband who has been literally working so much to provide for all of us that I only see him about 30 hours a week.  He worked 12 days in a row, totaling over 230 hours working.  I miss him.  Pray for Caroline, that she can find patience and understanding in her heart.  Pray for my nerves, they are shot.

But most importantly, please pray for my sister and nieces.  Pray that they see we are trying to be supportive and loving to them.  Pray that they can find happiness in a new life.

At the heart of it all, we just want to help them, they just have to want to help themselves too.  I just simply hope that this doesn't tear us all apart.  That we can move forward and love each other through it all.

Sock Bun Saturday

It's Saturday!  And I don't have a thing to do. Ha!  Which means I can catch up on stuff and check a few things off my list.

One of which is a sock bun tutorial.  I posted a pic on IG last week and got some requests for a tutorial...I did my best.  More on that soon.

I've been hung up on sock buns for a while now.  I'm the girl who hates perfectly coiffed hair.  I like it messy.  The sock bun and me, well it's a match made in heaven.  I like the tousled look, not to say that those of you with every strand in place don't look fabulous, I just don't go for that look often, I think messy hair suits me better.

Since I've lost weight, my jeans have become a huge {literally} problem.  Nothing seems to look right.  I can't find a fit that I'm happy with.  In comes 11 year old fashionista daughter.  She insists that I try some skinny jeans.  Ugh.  I am totally not built for skinny jeans.  But I gave it a go.  I love them.

What the what?  I love skinny jeans?

Yep, I sure do.  Now granted, they still make me a little self conscious, but when compared to my normal Gap Long & Leans, they do make me look smaller.  I didn't realize how much bulk they added to my legs until I saw a pic of me in the skinny jeans.  I now own 2 pair of skinnies.

And yes, they're Gap too.  I have a thing for Gap jeans.  Mine are the 1969 destructed always skinny

Gap Skinnies

And then there's my Toms.  I think most people either love them or hate them.  I love all the options there are.  Any color, any pattern...makes me happy.  I got these super cute Brown Metallic Herringbone Toms for Christmas and wear them all the time.  Love me some herringbone!

Toms

Okay y'all, I've stalled enough.  I said there was a tutorial and I need to just bite the bullet and not worry about how silly I look doing this. Ha! 

*Special guest appearances by Squirt the Chihuahua and Mittens the Cat.*