50 Shades...of Sadness

I never really thought a set of books or a movie could cause such chaos in our society.  But it clearly has.  Lines have been drawn. People are taking sides.  The biggest arguments are abuse, Christianity, and pleasure.

Lets just stop right there.  I won't even go into all these arguments.  I will however tell you where I stand and what my thoughts are about this movie.

First and foremost I'll be honest.  I read all 3 books.  When I read the first book, I had several friends rave about how amazing it was and how I just had to read it, so I did.  I was so shocked. I read the next two books because I was curious about how any of this nonsense could possibly be someones reality and I had convinced my self I wanted to see Christian Grey change, fall in love and leave the pain behind.

The writing was atrocious.  It was hard for me to understand how this series was a bestseller.  But, I'm a romantic and I got sucked in to wanting them to find true, deep, meaningful love.  I bypassed the crap I was reading and rooted for love.

In the end, they are hopelessly in love. Ha!  Love is not pain.  Or, it shouldn't be.

Love is beautiful and precious and something so magical it takes your breath away.  It isn't pain and torture causing you to be suffocated.  It isn't controlling.  It isn't harmful.  Or, it shouldn't be.

After I read the books, I realized how awful the whole story truly was.

Let me tell you my story.

In 1998 my 6.5 year relationship ended six months before we were married.  I was devastated.  In my sorrow, I met this hunky guy.  I fell hard and fast.  Why?  I was 20, just out of what I thought was my happily ever after and I wanted to be loved.  This hunky guy said all the right things, was smokin' hot, and made me feel loved. 

A few months in, I started getting in trouble for not getting to his house soon enough when I got off work.  I had to cancel plans with my family because he wanted me to spend time with him.  I was expected to be where he wanted me, when he wanted me there.  I was berated if I spent time with my best friend.  I blew all of it off.  I thought he loved me and just acted that way because he wanted to be with me all the time.

Things went on this way for the first year.  I fought with my parents constantly over hunky guy.  They hated everything about this relationship.  They begged me to break it off, and yet I refused.  Of course things just got worse.  When they finally got to the point where things were physically controlling my dad had all of it he could handle and forced me to break it off.  My parents sat me down and opened my eyes to what I refused to see.  I was being controlled and abused.

My mom helped me pack bags, my dad hid my car and we called a friend I knew I could stay with for a while.  I made the call to hunky guy and broke it off.  A few minutes later I was in a car headed to a place he would never find me.  And within 10 minutes hunky guy was circling my house.  Talk about eye opening. 

After a few weeks he quit driving by my parents house and calling me 50 times a day.  But I didn't feel safe for months.  I was completely blind to the fact that I was allowing myself to be controlled and abused.  As pathetic as it was, I truly thought he loved me that much that he couldn't be without me.

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As I closed the third book in the 50 Shades trilogy, I was sad.  Not sad that it was over.  Sad that Anastasia didn't love herself enough to see what was right in front of her eyes.  How horrible it is to be fooled into thinking abuse is love.  To think that you have the ability to change someone so vile.  It was tragic.  Love isn't pain. 

I have no plans to see the movie.  I don't need to see this unfold on the big screen.  Why would anyone want to see someone be abused, tortured and in pain?  I hope people do realize that this isn't some wonderful love story.  That sexual torture doesn't equal love and that nothing justifies this kind of treatment.  Being abused doesn't give you a pass to abuse others.  Anastasia may have been a consenting adult, but even that doesn't make it right or make it love.  It makes me really question our society, people flocking to see abuse justified.  It's just sad.


And if you still fool yourself into thinking this is a love story, imagine your daughter going through this.  Still think it's a love story?