10 Years...Without You

Today is my dark day.  The day I allow myself to grieve for another year without you here.  The day I cry for all the memories we would have made, the things we would have done.  I know it was God's plan for you to go so soon, and I accept that.  But my heart still aches.  Every.single.day.

I make it through most days without crying, I have for years.  But there are so many times I do cry for you.  Of course there will always be certain times of the year that make me super sad, but it's always the little things that get me most.  When I can't quite remember the way you cooked something or when I go check on Caroline in the middle of the night.  Yes, you passed that down to me!  I can't remember a night when you didn't come check on me, even at the end.  And now I go check on my sweet little girl just like you.  I think of you when I'm sewing something for Caroline or when I'm using the hot glue gun {random, I know!} or when I see Miniature Schnauzers.

I just can't believe, even after 10 years that you're gone.  There are just so many things I wish I had gotten to experience with you.  So many things I wish you had been here for.  So often I wonder how different my life would be if you hadn't gone so soon.  I miss my mommy.  I miss my friend.

I can't even begin to explain the ways it affects me, losing you.  A loss of any kind changes you, but losing you at such a young age, that's such a hard thing.  Sometimes I think if I had been younger, but then I realize it would have probably been even harder.  Moms are the most important woman in a child's life, a role model in so many ways.  I'm so grateful for the years that I did have with you, but I'm sure I'll always wish I had even more.