Sweet November

Ahhh November. 

A month of many emotions for me.

There's a slew of birthdays.  My dad.  My mom.  My best friend.  My daughter.

And then, there's my dark day.

November 13th.

The day my mom went to be with Jesus.

A day of healing for her.  A day of heartbreak for me.

And then, I'm supposed to be thankful.

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For me November is a time to be happy.  Sad.  Thankful.

And a time to reflect.

It doesn't matter how much faith I have or the fact that I know God had a plan for my mom, just as there's a plan for us all, it will always hurt to my core that my mom isn't here with me.

It will always make me giddy that God chose me to be Caroline's mom.

And it should make me happy that I had her 1 year & 11 days after my mom went to heaven.  To have such a blessing in the midst of such sadness.  Most days it does.  But some Novembers it's just hard.  It's hard because I want to share my unbelievable joy with the one person who isn't here to share it with me.

I'll always know that she's with us, watching and smiling down on us. 

I just wish she were here.

Smiling and laughing with us.