It's Been Awhile...

It's been a few days, errr, months since I last posted.  It's been busy 'round here.  I had forgotten how time consuming it is to work full time, raise a kid, be a wife, and run a household.  Not to mention running a business too.

ex.haus.ting.

So, here I am trying to catch my breath, post a few memories and talk about things that I believe in.  We'll see how long my attention span is.

Apparently not very long.  Ive already taken a break to watch a few minutes of RHOA.  I'm a trash TV addict.

So here are the highlights of the last few months:

- Caroline is officially a teenager.  Yep, the big 1-3.  Pray for me, please.  We had cake in the back of the car, because we're cool like that.

- Caroline was selected to participate in Duke University's Talent Search and take the SAT/ACT in the 7th grade.

- We finally went to the Silos.  Yes, that would be the Magnolia Silos.  We happen to live down the road from Chip & Joanna {from Fixer Upper}, like literally, less than a mile away.  So we waited quite a while to go visit the new shop, let some of the crazy die down.

- We had a great Christmas and Christmas Break.

- I've worked a million hours.  No, I haven't, but Tab has averaged about 70 hours a week since June, but that should count for me too.  Really, it should.  I have to  pick up all the slack and basically be a single parent.

- We didn't win the Poweball.  Who am I kidding, you have to actually buy tickets to win that stuff, or to think you actually have a shot at winning that stuff.

- I hurt my upper back. Yay me.

- Texas finally got below 80 degrees.

- I still have my Christmas Decor up.  Don't judge. 

Basically, life is par for the course around here.  We just keep on going, day by day, moment by moment.  I still don't answer the phone, or call anyone.  I can't help it.  Just accept it and move on.  Caroline on the other hand can talk on the phone for hours.  Go figure.  Shiner is still the cutest dog on the planet, and we have a new fur baby, Red.  Yep, I just can't help myself.  But, Red was Tab approved!  He's a Red Heeler and so so sweet, but still young and slightly destructive.  We're working on it.

Check back soon, if you're bored.  I may post again soon.

An Open Letter...

...to those who think they can judge me, to those who think I'm not doing enough, and those who are flat out mean.

I'm tired.  Tired of dealing with passive aggressive people and their nonsense Facebook posts.  Tired of dealing with people who think I snub them.  Tired of people who think that my time is better spent doing what they think I should be doing.

I am doing exactly what I need and should be doing.  I'm a wife, mother, full time worker {away from home}, small business owner {after my full time job}, car pool driver, volunteer, daughter, sister and friend.  And yes,  those are listed in order of priority at the moment.  I have no free time.  None.

I have nothing left to give.  I can barely attend to the first 5 things on my list right now, and I'm done being berated for not being able to do it all.  I don't call anyone, unless it has to do with my husband, my kid or my jobs.  I.just.can't.

For the last 4 years, I didn't work outside the home.  I had plenty of time to chat on the phone, run errands, have lunch with family or friends, volunteer more...and why?  Because I wasn't tied down to a 40 hour a week job and I had that 40 hours a week to maintain my household.  Times have changed.

Let me give you a glimpse into my day.

5am wake up. Get things ready for the morning. Shower.
6am wake up Caroline.  Dry hair.  Get dressed.
6:30am make sure the animals are fed.  Which means wrangling Caroline to get outside and deal with Grover the Goat. Leave for work.
7am-4pm JOB/make sure Caroline's ride has picked her up
4:30pm Get home and start dinner/laundry/homework/taxi service
5:30pm Eat/laundry/mop/vacuum/general house things/taxi service
6:30pm Make sure someone is at home to take care of Grover's nightly exercise/feeding
7:30pm If tab is actually home this early, take an hour to focus on my husband
8:30pm Finish up helping/checking Caroline's homework/return client calls/emails/texts/FB messages
9:30pm Tuck Caroline into bed. Start editing/designing/painting orders
11pm Hopefully, maybe, cross my fingers I'm climbing into bed

There are days I work from 6-3 or 8-5 {which are the mornings I drive carpool}, 9-6 or 12-9pm.
Throw in the days I have meetings, photo shoots, school activities, etc.  Most days I'm not home before 6pm, so that above schedule is shifted around to accommodate my day.

I have nothing left to give. 

Most nights, I don't spend any time with my husband because he isn't home until late.  I use that time to take care of things around our house/yard, grocery shop, run errands, promote my business, plan out our days, pay bills etc.  My "weekends" are mine.  For the 1st time in over a month we had a free weekend.  We went to dinner with family and the next night we took Caroline to play mini golf.  I almost always work Sundays from lunch till 7pm.  My "weekends" can be whatever day I'm scheduled off.  And guess what, they are my time.  I have to have a day or 2 to take care of all the things that can't be done during my work days.  That includes Dr. appointments for me or Caroline, dentist, orthodontist, oil changes, car washes, grocery shopping, errands I need to run for my husband, banking, photo shoots, and if I can fit in time for my family and friends woo hoo!  But that last part, the part that many people judge me for, it doesn't happen often.  People don't get called, people don't see me.

I'm sorry for that.  I wish there were more hours in the day.  I haven't talked to my lifelong best friend on the phone in a month.  I haven't had lunch with my dad in months.  I haven't hung out with my best friend that lives 5 miles from me in over a month.

And guess what?  That's ok.

I can't and won't bend my life or that of my husband and kid to make everyone else happy.  If I have free time to chat, I call.  If I/we have time to go to dinner/lunch/hang out we are thrilled to do that. I'm a planner, if I have notice of plans, I write it in my calendar and have made time for that.   I can't do spur of the moment things right now or even 2-3 days out.  And sometimes, I have to cancel things because there's just too many prior commitments.

There are so many people and things that are important to me and I want to do it all and spend time with everyone, but right now, this is my reality.  I have to say no to things, I can't afford it or I don't have time.

My minutes are precious right now in this season of life, and I am not perfect. But please, please stop being rude, passive aggressive, hateful, or gossipy about my life.  And if replacing me so you can have someone to fill the void I've left is what you really want to do, that's fine too.  I don't have time to play games with people, I don't have the strength to fight for my place in anyone's life anymore.  The people who respect that my life is busy are the ones who love me the most.  They're the ones who realize we haven't talked in 2-3 weeks and they call me and say, " been busy huh? That's ok, I still love you".  They don't make ugly comments, they have an understanding heart.  They too, are busy with their kids and their spouses.  They get it.  Most of them have husbands that are home by 5 or 6 in the evening that can help with the million chores/activities that happen each week.  I don't.

And I just can't handle the hurt anymore.   I don't have the energy, and most of all I don't have the time.

Guest Blogging

Happy Monday Friends!

I'm Guest Blogging over at Hanging with the Huie's today!  Stop by to hear me talk about Mommy Truths.  And then stick around a little while, look around and meet Kendra!  She's super sweet and fun and I know you'll love reading about her precious family!

Here's a little pic of us yesterday, trying to get a good pic for Mother's Day...Shiner just couldn't stand that he wasn't in the pic, so he made his presence known, ha!

 

Have a great week!

Can School Just be Over Already?

This time of year parents everywhere start counting down the days till summer break starts.  41.  We see the light at the end of the tunnel and we jump for joy.

We're in Texas, and as soon as our kids have taken the dreaded and ridiculous STAAR test, that's it, we're done.  We have nothing left to give.  These are the days I wish I was patient enough to homeschool, when we could take our time and enjoy the last part of the school year.  But alas, I'm stuck in public school hell.

The end of the year brings nine million activities, events, programs, field trips and a plethora of parent participation.  No.  Just no.  I have nothing left to give.  You have worn me down and broken me.

My calendar is overflowing with end of the year crap and I just want to say 'no'.  But I can't, because then I would be the bad mom {even though all of you are thinking the same thing}.  So, I'll be there, with some sort of semblance of being put together.  Probably with my hair in a top knot because at this point in the year I could care less, I just want it to be over.  I make no promises of getting things turned in, my mind has left the land of due dates and timelines and is dreaming of the beach and summer getaways.

I still can't figure out why it's this way every year.  I mean Spring Break wasn't even 2 months ago.  So why, why is it that every April I want to throw in the towel?  And the worst part...it only gets worse the older they get.  More activities, more things they have to fill out, more homework.  I can't.

I'm with you parents.  We will get through this.  And hopefully, my being over it will not be a direct reflection on the student my child aims to be, because bless her, she adores school.  But she does hate homework.

Spring Break Wrap-up

The week that kids and teachers everywhere pray for...for real.  We never look at Spring Break as a huge "trip" week, but more like a lay around and do nothing week.

Sure, we make tentative plans of things we want to do but we really don't make a huge thing out of spring break.  I blame it on my mom.  She never, and I mean never ever traveled.  I never took a single trip with her because she had a crazy fear of traveling anywhere.  Spring break was just another week.

We just planned on being together, going to the zoo, seeing a few movies, and well, just spending time as a family.  Our week did not start as planned. 

First of all, who in their right mind came up with Daylight Savings?  I want my hour back!!!  This is no way to start Spring Break.

Sunday was our family day since Tab had to work all week, we planned the zoo.  Fail.  Caroline woke up sounding like she could be in the frog exhibit.  Couch day for the Murry's.

We did get to enjoy some great outside time the rest of the week.  We went to the movies with family and then had a mommy/daughter date to see Cinderella on Friday, which I highly recommend.  So lovely and well done.  Caroline spent several days with friends and tried to pull an all nighter at a slumber party.

Of course I also like to use my kiddo to her full advantage.  Window cleaning it was.  I mean, who doesn't want help with 70+ panes of glass?  I literally said ugly things in my head about these stinking double paned windows.  Why oh why would anyone subject themselves to this torture called "storm windows"?  Because it's Texas and we have tornadoes.  And it's supposed to keep my family safe.

We spent all day Saturday outside cleaning up our land, working on the porch and cleaning windows.  Even though we were done done done with all of it, we loved finally being outside.  Being together was the best part.  We played with the dogs, had a small water fight.  Pulled the truck up, rolled the windows down and blared the music just a little too loud.  We ate guacamole and chips on the front porch and fed the dogs pecans.

Since Caroline was at her cousins for a birthday end of spring break sleepover, we used our time wisely.  We watched movies all night and did nothing, well, I painted my nails.